angeleyes.

I was born a pessimist. It was quite natural… even though I was the elder one, I had realized long time back, that I would grow at a real slower pace than my younger blood, and soon he would be all over me one day. Seems like that time has finally arrived. We guys always had our fights n all, but then there was this level of difference between us, which were the reason for most of those really crude action packed fight-sequences…but as he bridged the gap between us, sometime along the line, he became an equal, and now a maybe more mature guy, we started getting along real well. But then, that’s what I always wanted. I was never an elder-bro material. Look at me!! I’m still a kid, acting more on instinct than intelligence.

All these above not-so-relevant-to-any-of-you lines are to stress my first point: And I know that the pessimist always stays in me. I always expected the worse, but instead of daring to face it, I ran away. And look where I reached now. Apparently nowhere.

I was so confused with my life, so disgusted with all that happened to me, and cursing each n everyone on the way, it had even come to that point where I doubted the absolute point of my existence. But then I met a more larger than life pessimist!

Her pessimism made mine seem like that of a salt molecule in the Indian ocean. But that’s precisely how she made me think differently. Apparently her pessimism forced me to view everything with a hope in it. It was not like the girl-trying-to-change-the-guy thing. She always respected my individuality, and I loved hers. But I somehow changed myself for her in an unconscious manner. I even got back to listening Hinder after a real long time! And I’m somehow enjoying the music as well!

♫♫ See!!! ♪♪

I was totally at the endpoint when I met her. She dragged me back up to my game, but I’m still that trashed low-life I was. So if she suddenly disappears one day… I just wont be able to bear it! Of-course she does give me hard times with her fail-proof pessimism when she totally narrates prospective  incidents that end in her death! And there were times when I even have my heart in my mouth!! Yeah, that was her alright! My bestEST friend till now and forever!

But even then at times my pessimism took over. It scared me for like the first time in my life! But then somehow she always used her charisma over me, and I would become this real toddler in front of her, and she like a sweet lady, would pour all that motherly affection on me. Soon I get saturated, and start crossing lines like any other arse-hole! At that time my brain reduces to the size of that of a mosquito, only to drink her blood, but she gave it willingly as well… which is precisely why I’m feeling all the more guilty now!

I always forget my place n screw things up big-time, especially with my totally perverted grey matter.   But after all that good that has happened to me in the past two-three weeks, It seems I’ll hit the block soon. God, I’ve never asked you anything in this world till now… If you are up there,  can you just do something to help this buddy of yours out, please? Something like, tadah! and every-thing’s okay… something like that? ‘coz if things go the way that I fear it will be, then soon I’ll fall. This time, into oblivion, to somewhere where no-one can ever again get me back from. Athu sambhavichaal pinne vverum bore aayirikkum. And All her work will go waste, and that’s the last thing I’ll want now.

solitude…

That night she couldn’t sleep. Maybe she was sleeping all these years, and had woken up only now. But she woke up to nothing more than a sense of loneliness. The air was cold, but she didn’t shiver. Not even one bit. She had lost her chill, and felt the warmth already… traversing from point to point through isotherms, decapitating any laws of thermodynamics and meteorology that were left in the scope of her intellect. But she didn’t mind. She was never lonely, ever in her life, never before. But that night, she couldn’t find peace. She wanted to share, her life, her soul, everything, but she was alone. How ironic the world makes itself seem. One second it puts you in a cradle surrounded by care and the next second, you are to be self-employed man, sometimes an employed man under some self-employed man, selling your own worth for peanuts.

But Tyler had it all figured out. He was a complete man. Girls died over him, and there was always one with him to bed. He wore shades, dressed like a celebrity, but all he did was rob… rob someone of his car, rob someone of his condo, but more, rob someone of his own self. He never hesitated to kill, he was fearless, and he kicked ass like Sly Stallone in the 90s’. But then, to think he was another person was out of the question. He was you, and me, your father, your best friend, your brother, your lover, he was everyone, and still was no-one. He was everywhere but nowhere. *Snap!* Here’s how our story begins!

Maybe all she wanted was the comfort of a guy, all he wanted was material. He was cold, and he was a bastard! But then just like that she changed him. She changed him to something totally contradicting Tyler’s whole existence. He was a new man. He was T.

T wanted to love Leah, but he wasnt strong enough to take pain. Still he was innocent enough. So he loved her. And she loved him. And they loved each other. But they had to part one day. And that day was a year ago.

So today, she was awake, but was he? Maybe she loved him too much, ‘cos after they parted they had made a promise… a promise to see each other. Did he forget? How could he? Was she just a puppet… just another one of Tyler’s playthings… or did she actually change him to T. But she believed. She believed in T. And so she didnt feel the cold in her skin. Her hair didnt rise when the cold wind blew over her naked skin… maybe it was because she had waxed herself to perfection, maybe…

She did not have one drop of tear on her face, but he had. Looking down to her, he couln’t bear to see her in pain. But he was happy for her. Atleast she didnt know he was gone, and to never come back. That would have broken her to pieces, and he never wanted her to feel pain. He had promised her that. But his fate was done with. The Shinigami had written his fate in his Deathnote that very day they parted. And so he watched, as he tried to reach her, and hug her. And so she felt warm.

The End. Or is it?

U.P.S n Downs…

As you already know, there has been news of KSEB(Kerala State Electricity Board/Kill Se Electric Bitch) of turning to the private sector, to become a company of its own. (Phew! finally!) Yeah, I know the bills will suck, but atleast we will get less blackouts n shit…hopefully! But then my UPS has been bugging me for some time now… some 20 seconds into backup, its already in Overload.

Fly You Fools – Indian Comics about Life.

Yet another bites the Dust…

Ah. There was a time when living my life the way I want was the least of my concerns. Maybe I was happy then. Or happier. Then I lost my virginity to Life.

That time I thought it was for the best, and so never tried to react to it the way I usually do. But then one day, everything fell apart simultaneously. Thats the day I exploded, literally. But then what is gone, is gone. And now as I stand one year since that, I look back to see how retarded the whole thing was.

Most of the damage was done via posts on this page, so I can’t get to blame anyone else other than me, for all that shit. Then there were readers who flocked in for a scoop, who finally got disgusted at the whole issue.  Then college, which was shittier than ever, fucked up torture, politics, fight, In class brawls,… yeah, it was filled with retarded shit… All I want to do now is close the chapter, and to which not-blogging is not an option.  But my recent behavioral patterns taken into account, I can see some progress, from what which was one of the most mentally disturbing scenarios in my life.

Oh fuck! Who am I crapping?

The point is, I have no regrets, just because some people made that sure I don’t feel any. And I just feel I should thank em now.

And yeah, now I feel like caring for myself again, been looking after me, and spotting a less retarded face now. Maybe I feel happy now. Maybe someone else has given me the hope, yet again. And this time, it was strong enough to teleport me inter-polarily through my emotional status.Something good has been chancing with me of late, sporadically, and now my urge to live life has come back, if not temporarily.

Maybe this was the break I needed after all…

1 Hun-dread

Yes. Tagged myself from Fantasia.

1. Last beverage – Tea, Strong and High on Lather
2. Last phone call- Birly
3. Last text message – Birly…
4. Last song you listened to – A tout le monde.
5. Last time you cried – Can’ remember, but sometime recent though.

HAVE YOU EVER.. 

6.Dated someone twice? – No
7. Been cheated on? – Maybe, from my pov, Yes.
8. Cried yourself to sleep? – Yes, lots of times…
9. Lost someone special? – Yes.
10. Been depressed? – Don’t know. Went berserk one fine day over nothing though…
11. Seen ghosts – No.
12.LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS.
Green, Red, White.

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU

15.Made new friends – Yes, I think so…
16. Fallen out of love – Definitely.
17. Laughed until you cried – Yes. Quite literally though.
18. Met someone who changed you – No.
19. Found out who your true friends were – Yes.
20. Found out someone was talking about you – Yes, many a time…
21. Kissed anyone on your friend’s list – Yes.
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life ? –Maybe a hundred, I guess…
23. How many kids do you want to have –Three. To hell with family planning!
24. Do you have any pets – Panthera leo, An African Indian crossbred.
25. Do you want to change your name – No.
26. What did you do for your last birthday – Pre-exam day. Scored some frags in Counter Strike.
27. What time did you wake up today – 7. 05 am
28. What were you doing at midnight last night – Snoring over my Graphics text.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for – Finish with B.Tech.
30. Last time you saw your father – Day before yesterday.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life – Well… later..
32. What are you listening to right now – My seniors joking about some girl who wants to get married somehow…
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom – yes— Nirmal Tom Thomas
34. What’s getting on your nerves right now? The fuckin mousepad of this laptop…
36. Whats your real name –Nitin SJ
37. Relationship Status – Single, and Open.
38. Zodiac sign – Taurus.
39. Male or female – Male
40. Natural Hair color? – Black
41. Hair color now – black..kind of…
42. Pet Peeve – Girls getting the idea that I’m “into” them. And many more…
43. Need Glasses- No.
44. Long or short – height- Tall enough for my survival, hair- Going Long.
45. Height – 5′7”
46. Do you have a crush on someone – No. Not now.
47. What do you like about yourself? – I am can give a hand at things… I can sketch, freehand.
48. Piercings – Not yet.
49. Tattoos – Yes, thinking of one…
50. Righty or lefty – Can do stuff with both, but a righty by practise.

FIRSTS.
51. First surgery – None so far.
52. First piercing – Not yet.
53. First tattoo – -ditto-
54. First best friend – Vipin
55. First sport you joined – Sprint.
56. First pet – A kitten, my bro christened it Kitty.
57. First vacation – Kodiakanal, with family, when I was One or something..
59. First crush- Anurag
60. First alcoholic drink – Beer, Warsteiner…

RIGHT NOW.
61. Eating – Choco-chip cookie
62. Wearing – An army three-fourth, and a sleeveless tee.
63. I’m about to –go chatting, now that I’m done with sem end exams.
64. Speaking to – that senior dude, who wants his lap back…
65. Waiting to –have some tequila, hopefully.
66. Want kids? – Not now.
67. Want to get married? – No.
68. Careers in mind? – Nothing now.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
69. Lips or eyes – eyes
70. Hugs or kisses – XOXO. Both.
71. Shorter or taller- Taller, a lil bit, or too short.
72. Older or Younger – Younger
73. Romantic or spontaneous – Spontaneous
74. Nice stomach or nice arms – Both.
75. Tattoos or piercings- Piercings.
76. Sensitive or loud- Sensitive…
77. Hook-up or relationship – Relationship that involved a satisfactory hook-up.
78. Trouble maker or hesitant-Tm!

HAVE YOU EVER.
79. Kissed a stranger – Yes…
80. Drank hard liquor – Not yet.
81. Lost glasses/contacts –I don’t wear glasses, lost some contacts when my old phone blew up though…:D
82. Sex on first date – Depends.
83. Broken someone’s heart – Hell yeah…
84. Had your own heartbroken – Yes.
85. Been arrested?- Just a lil…
86. Turned someone down – Yes.
87. Cried when someone died – No.
88. Got someone into trouble intentionally – Hahaha.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN.
89. Yourself – At times, a lil over.
90. Miracles – Yes.
91. Love at first sight – Yes. But it seems it’ll soon wear off…
92. Heaven – on Earth, No. Up there—No…
93. Santa Claus – No..
94. Kissing on the first date? – Yes.
95. Angels – No…

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY.
96. Is there one person you want to be with right now? – Yes.
97. Had more than one boyfriend/ girlfriend at one time? – Yes.
98. Do you believe it’s possible to remain faithful forever? – Depends.
99. What’s the one thing you cannot live without? – My sisters, and my family.
100. Posting this as 100 truths? – Yeah, you can say that…

The Fast Lane

Quick Comment: Controversy or Long Legs?

The Shoe Age.

Yes. Shoes, Chappals, Sandals, Sneakers, Boots, all of em used to feature on our feet some time in the past. But ever since dear Muntazer al-Zaidi, the Iraqi journalist…yep, the guy who has a cult following now, threw his polished leather at Bush, we Indians have so interestingly followed it up with our share.

The general elections yet again saw two useless powers battling it out for a kursee. As the ads say, they are Baajaapaa and YuvaShatti. With Yuvashatti’s hot favourite youngster said he wasnt’ mature enough to become PM, we are forced to think if he is any good in bed either, with a girl that is. If he didnt admit anything of that sort. maybe there was chance of him winning… poor chap, lacks a political brain eh?  And poor Singh got the Shoe hurling this time. Apparently, the shoe did not reach him, and so he ‘pardoned’ the young dude who did it. Whoo! what a generosity!! Daag dene padenge!

And the scores are not levelled. Baajaapaa supremo, who will might well be defeated by a dancing queen in his constistency, i.e. only if the people in that consistency have some grey matter in their heads(Its North, so I doubt it really!), has a record of two shoes, no wait, or were they Chappals? Apparently the guys who threw were dropouts. There’s something you learn in Physics, called Projectile motion, as both chappals fell short of the old bloke by a kilometer!!

But the chappal race is not over as it seems. Gujarat seems to need much better scores in this game.

But I disagree on the treatment they give the shoeflingers. I thought our Constitution preamble read as India to be a

“…SOVEREIGN SOCIALIST SECULAR DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC and to secure to all its citizens:JUSTICE, social, economic and political;

LIBERTY of thought, expression, belief, faith and worship;

EQUALITY of status and of opportunity;

and to promote among them all

FRATERNITY assuring the dignity of the individual and the unity and integrity of the Nation…”

In that case, it is not fair to plead them guilty for shoe flinging. Lets be logical. You can’t blame them as they never disrespected any respected national leader like Mahatma Gandhi or Bhagat Singh… They just did that to yet another guy on the street who thinks he is a hotshot. So thats not a crime. And for the shoe hitting them..What the F are the security for? Since almost all of em are not worthy to be assassinated or anything, its better they start catching shoes… and its the shoes to be blamed and the one who had the shoe hurling up to them of whose activity had eventually started this dramarama, not the source of the shoe, or the chappal for that matter!!

Lord save the King and Queen(of Travancore that is). God bless Kerala. Mera Bharat Mahan!

Fly you!!

I’ve been a Random reader for quite some months now. It all started at the Kottayam Railway station, which is a bloody boring place… and then there was Random! Ever since there has been a copy of Random on almost every train journey I made… and with good reason!

And it also features this comic strip thats a lil too over the top… so here’s the latest of their strips…

Fly You Fools – Indian Comics about Life.

Yeah right!

Guilt free pass.

Yes, my pointless existence will enter its 20th year this May, and It’s high time I did a quick rewind on every uninteresting crap through these 19 years of nothingness. But before I blab out all that crap of a public platform, lemme tell you about my recent findings.

Eventually my Learner’s License ran out yet again, as I continually fail to get my lazy arse to the Driver’s test ground every such day. But then with the Helmet, and at times the Seat Belt, It’s equivalent to having a License in Trivandrum city. It’s been kinda 2 to 3 years I’ve been doing this, and I never had to go behind the ’steel bars of enlightenment’.

Then again, yesterday there comes a ‘doctor’s’ message that Diarrhea is hereditary…just because it runs in your Jeans! And for all those hardcore IPL fans out there to cheer for King Khan’s team, He has no problem with his Left hand, Its just a Manish Malhotra ‘Oh…I look fractured, so dont desert me my fans!’ accessory..A sympathy raincloud!! Just look closely at his deer-eating promo! And where is the PETA this time??

I know that most girls get so annoyed by my writing that they make issues out of it…even sell their crotch to get rid of me. But no one can make me stop! I’m invincible! Muhaha! Remember the pink top I pissed off last time. But that actually was my balls speaking. I did go on to be a nice guy, do the puppy eyes, and ask for forgiveness. After that, that issue went into my trash.

Pretending to be the nice guy was the hardest thing I ever did. And that has eventually become a habit I guess. My first impression is always good…n  i just don’t know why!! Then eventually they find out that I am a sadistic f^ckface who just wants aesthetic satisfaction from gore. But that’s not my fault either. I’ve put that out as disclaimers all over, even on the right hand side of this page..see! And its your right hand not mine!!

Then there were all these sex comedies all over the place. that prompted every bloke to bone the very next pink thing in his proximity. Then came Wolverine, Transformers, and Narnia! There was this South Park episode last month or so, about the Jonas Brothers 3d Concert, and unlike their fag performances which make every cunt dry, this episode was worth watching. It even had Mickey Mouse!! Beat that you fag heads!

And I still hate coffee. Now you can see why there is so much information in his page. I am a f^ckin genius!! Bow down to my awesomeness or I’ll have you skullf^ckd by a vampiric labrador!

And yes, all this has nothing what-so-ever to do with the title!

**************************************

Okay, so I have drifted off the topic by a lil bit. But that doesnt spoil your tolerance value in any way no? What say you puny humanoid robots?

BLACK and WHITE : part 4

<Part 3

Chapter 4 : The Firefly

Well. Given the current state of events and the kind of feedback I’m getting, some of you, yes some of you think I’ll grow out to write something better and worthwhile to read one fine day. Duh! But hate to disappoint you folks, coz that just won’t happen. Not today.

Panacea. That’s the right word. Yep, that’s what you all want, that’s what everyone, the whole goddamn world wants. One word that solves everything; But I don’t think it’s going to end anything…anything at all… because it just isn’t good enough!

It all started at school. For me Loyola, my second home, the place I miss the most now. Yes, I’m a Loyolite for life, and proud to be one. Looking at the schooling I was offered, I should have been much more now, but then I would be totally in the honest of lights when I say Loyola made me. It developed me to what I am now. But to the dismay of many others and me, the development ended there. I couldn’t carry it forward. I’m trying to, desperately though.

Life was easy then. Way easier. No worries, no guilt, just Black n White awesomeness filling a campus with dry sarcasm to eternal friendships.  Aah! From Crown caps to Football to ‘hack’ girls, it was a kickass journey; a dream lived, and so dearly missed. I wish I shouldn’t have had to grow out of it. Something, that remote something, that still keeps me going, are live memories of everything we had in these 13 years.

They feel so godly now, something unattainable; something that would never chance in this life span ever again. I was the one who usually had stories, a hell lot, most of ‘em made up, to creative perfectionism that is. Now life feels less a fairy tale and more something that is absolute. Someplace, where worthless souls in even more worthless bodies are put there because they have to live, and not because they want to.

Life has become all too serious now. Responsibilities, Material aims, Conditional Bonds, yes, I’m beginning to see reality, and I hate it. Wish I could a rebel once more, surrounded by ‘friends’, a free out of control intellectual being donning the Black n White uniform, the one that made reality shrink into nothingness before its power. Wish I was in Loyola forever…