For whom the bell tolls…

“The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others”

I seriously don’t know what is quote is doing here, or even the fact that it is here is oblivious in all respects. Come on, someone figure out a reason for all this. So, back to the point, I think I’ve done enough damage to myself and others by writing shitty stuff about what all crap that happened to me. So, I’ve decided to move to my primitive style yet again. Come on, writing about some girl is not one of my most primary of concerns. Ya, it draws many blog readers including people who don’t even know what a blog is. But then it’s ‘Pennu’ case and involvement in a ‘Pennu’ case is ‘Natta’ case. And moreover, you’ll always be on receiving end! Damn the judiciary! So, I’ll call it a day, and stop all this nonsense. After all, Why the fuck should I give a damn!!?!

On that note, I’ve started a new program…A flashback into my life…at school, which I miss the most. But then there are lot of things to list and so little time. So, I’ll do some serious research on my life at school, and with my friends, and will be back. Till then, Caio!

NB: People always comment about my NB, therefore for that sake, I wrote this one…I know it’s complete nonsense, But at least this time I realized it!

To mend a friendship…

They were friends. Fate brought them together. It was an endless array of circumstances. But then both were two extremes in character. He was a boy who found friendship in almost everyone around him. He felt insecure at times but was always comfy with all of his buddies around. But then he used to take everything to his heart. A pure emotional being he was. He used to lend his helping hand to his friends but never craved for anything in return, except for the recognition that he is indeed a friend. But then that didn’t happen as well. He was a perfectionist at times but saw happiness in what his friends found it. But then he never took to sticking to a specific gang of friends. He was almost a part of every gang yet he stood apart. Maybe it was his habit of analyzing stuff. When you analyze more, you tend to troubleshoot others’ problems and if a help is not asked, it is despised. The same happened with him in many occasions. He also had a flaw in his character. He had a very bad temper. It was an explosive kind, its detonator hanging on a human hair. He was in fact a “Perfect Melancholy”.

On the other hand, she was a girl who was so easygoing that she had kinda loose friendships with almost anyone she met. But then she was a jolly type. She was beautiful though. Never did she take her relationships to her heart, and so she was always cool. She had all this energy which she spent in dancing and all such activities. She had a definite group of friends, and it was almost as though she had a turf of her own. She never cared for perfectionism, or so it seems. She was indeed a “Letloose Coolhead”. Now what happened is a bit complicated.

It was 2 years ago. He met her first in a tuition class. It started as a normal high school crush. It was natural. He was recovering from another relationship, she was beautiful and smart. Some seven eight odd months went past just like that. It was like she was sitting there and he kept on admiring her. But then this time, he and she met each other. They talked. Gradually, internet came to the aid. All these avatars and the second virtual life in it, and so they started conversing, almost on a weekly basis. Almost at the open of the next year, they had become pretty good chat friends. The relationship which started as a high school crush became friendship, and he began to regard her as a friend, a cousin or a sister perhaps. Now her perspective was a big question mark. He considered him lucky at times to get a friend like her. Both helped each other in some ways, and it was mostly exchanging question papers. Both gave their due importance to studies. But then there was this society, which itself became the villain of the story.

The boy due to his less involvement in such gangs and all gained only little respect from the society, but there was a very high position for the girl. She was on top of the list of the most admired girls. Now when the society saw them sharing some documents, it got disgusted. It was inevitable. How could the society bear someone like him to be friends with someone like her! And so it started. Gossips, Rumors, and what not! It spread like poison periodically being deposited into the Black Sea. The sorry part here is that the boy, who very less socialized himself didn’t happen to hear any of this. In fact he didn’t even come to know of such a thing even existing. But then she came to know of it, and in course of time she started to believe all this. There was a period in the life of both of them when they couldn’t contact each other. Both were busy studying, and in this time, everything worsened. Disgust and hatred began to fill her mind. She began to see him as a cheater, a person with dark intentions who had used her to find fame. But she was wrong. Very wrong. A year passed by like that. All hurdles were cleared; both of them cleared their exams in a fairly satisfactory manner, but then their relationship was never the same. The boy was in a jolly mood. He was clearly unaware of the condition off the situation. For him, it was like the old friendship, his attitude never changed. And so he decided to play a prank on her.

 He had heard of his classmates making fun of his friendship with her, and so he saw an opportunity and he nodded for whatever they said. He, in his mind, thought that his good friend would take everything in a sense of fun that she had taken whatever he said all these years. But he was wrong. He had launched himself into a place that was making itself ready to explode. And so it did. “Wherever both ends meet” was a part of that notched up conspiracy. A bakra joke perhaps, which he hoped to reveal to her next year, a day before her 19th birthday. Yes, it is about me and RT. Sorry for anyone who followed me till now, but it was a carefully constructed drama I was so very nicely and efficiently playing. And I seriously thought she was also doing the same. Little did I realize that her view towards me had changed all that much in my absence! I got to know of this only very very recently, and it was backed up with all that rage she rained on me. A year back I joked about my crush on her, and she was like all cool with that and stuff. But then now, the same thing, she is totally annoyed. It’s not a heart break. It’s about losing a friend. And mind it, it’s far worse than a heart break. Once your friends say stuff about you in a manner that is hurting your feelings, you sink. And I sank. Maybe she was right in whatever she said. Maybe unknowingly I hurt her, but in the deepest chambers of my heart, I never meant that. Little did I even come to know of that! But then there was me. She didn’t think of me when she told all that. The pain I felt. I felt like my basement crumbling, sinking me with it, into the darkest chambers of the oblivion. How could she do this? Judge her friend on the basis of gossips. That’s childish. Does she care about others feelings? Such questions which I never imagined I would ask myself, comes to my mind now. And now I regret everything. Everything I said, everything I unknowingly did to hurt her. Never have I felt so bad in my life.

 Never ever. And now I asked her, not as a dirty wolf who is waiting to pounce on its prey, but as a dear friend, a caring friend, “Can we leave all this behind and start afresh a friendship, just like a year and a half ago?” I am waiting. Period.

Digest 1.01beta!

So…

After all that crap about destroying the evil and all that bullshit, we come to the topic regarding digestion. It’s the most effective way of removing the scum of the universe…come on, you actually convert it to pure energy or in most cases, pure fat! anyways, this is not about digestion. It’s about people digesting words. As you travel through the various denudations in your cerebellum, you come across a certain useless part called cerebellum. Now the thing is that I dropped Biology in Tenth grade, even though I was making enough money by sketching others records for like Rs 15/page, and there were sure to be 5 or 6 blockheads so desperate for marks who will have 4 to 7 sketches left…

Now that people have found other ways of drawings stuff in their records including the pain-in-the-arse job of tracing through an illuminated glass!!(Yes! ask your new college dudes…they are in top of their games now…), our job is rather over. With all that demand decreasing, its pure economics that with decreasing demand, the price shoots up, and now that explains why my bro sketches for Rs 50/sketch!! We are a rare breed/creed now…rare and endangered…sad! isn’t it?

Now shit, where is that bottle???

Damn!! sheesh!! why is the rum always gone..

%Gulp!!%$..oh that’s why..

I, CRAP, one more time!

He looked into the mirror. It was there, right before him, as crystal clear as the obnoxious oxymoronic freaks around him. He saw his future. Confused was he. Couldn’t figure out which timeline he belonged to. The alternate time-stream slowly crept into the normal laid down time-stream, its branches slowly intersecting and blocking the latter. Only if he had someone to give him the security he needed, a compassionate soul, a satisfying being, a pleasant being of character that which eventually light his spirits, elevating it to new extremes beyond comprehension.

NB: as you have noticed earlier, this post is utterly meaningless as long as you are too desp for anything. It’s just for the mere satisfaction of the mind of a lower being, who is trying to find his future by reflecting to his past. I know it’s sad shit, that’s the whole point. Letting the garbage out on its own won’t help, therefore, I’m taking the courtesy.

Revelations

There’s always a reason for everything. If you ask me, every single damn thing has a fuckin reason behind. Let it be a small one or a big one. But still there’s reason. It’s natural human tendency to find reason in anything, and so that is what he did. He found a reason to achieve what he wanted. Once he had that specific reason that completely and satisfactorily explains his actions in the due course, the reason thus finds importance. It’s not the finality that we, the humans, want, it’s the reason, an explanation for your actions. So much so that the end product is ignored completely. How Sad.

The inevitability of the finality is often ignored and so it becomes a complication. You can’t eat reasons, can you. In what way does reason give anyone orgasms. The reason why you bone your girl in a 69 position needn’t be explained as long as the girl and the boy get their orgasms in a very satisfactory manner. Fuck reason sideways! It’s pure bullshit! It’s just sad that I always have to explain my actions! Why the holy fuck should I give my reasons for what I do? Come on, it’s extra paperwork. Now I need to work out a reason for all that I did? Why don’t you get a life and fuck your red feathered cross-bred monkey instead??

Wherever both ends meet

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D.I.S.C.L.A.I.M.E.R.

This is yet another piece of work that may invoke all types of stuff in some certain enlightened souls. But then, since I didn’t kill any domesticated or any endangered or any free animal of any kind to put these words together, I fear nothing. Therefore, I don’t give a fuck of what you think!! Sad!

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B.t.w., this is the sequel to ‘THAT BETTER HALF’, so I suggest you get a hold of those wordings first by scrolling down to an article I jotted down while I was a kid!

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Chapter 1: PAUSE, TEA N TOFFEE

I look down on my new polished teak table. 150 ml of strong hot tea stands near in a majestically decorated sky-blue cup and underneath it, a tissue which, with all its might, is preventing even the slightest drops of brown tectin filled soupy liquid from reaching the surface of the teakwood. Right beside the cup of tea stands a rather big 1.5l ‘Aquafina’ bottle filled with crystal clear oxidane, the one I filled last night just before seeing ‘Sweeney Todd – The Demon Barber of Fleet Street’ for the umpteenth time. The Chelsea Toffees on the table smiled at me while the Batman Collectible topped with my Contacts book gave me a slightly disturbing grin in the dustiest way possible. To think of what I am now, a major, an eighteen year old basking in the beam of all that supposedly huge “glorifying” adulthood. Yesterday was that important day, the day I switched sides with my identity. But I am just pleased and happy that my bestest pals were with me to celebrate the day with me.

Dramatic Pause. I start sipping the tea as I go on writing down this particular sentence.

Mhmmm… Strong Tea… Half over, half full now.

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Chapter 2: I LIVED EIGHTEEN YEARS!

It’s just hard to believe the disturbing as well as satisfying fact that I, for one, lived for eighteen years in this planet called Earth in this god-forsaken galaxy!! These 18 important years of my life showed me the world, an introduction, a brief one though. It taught me many things, also made me forget many things too. Many Mistakes, many tries, many resolutions, many promises, many realizations…

But then the last days as a child were bitter. Very bitter indeed. Yes, it was a girl, it is always a girl, come on, face it! It needs to be a girl! Then even, never did I think that such a thing would fall upon me. All such egoistic beliefs just shattered in nanosecs. Come on, I was damn sure that when I fall in love or something like that, it would be in style. This one lacked all the panache my ego made up for. Yea, the God dude definitely had his bit of planning put into action.

Sip, sip,… Tea over. Khattham! Finished.

I thought I had it all figured out, yeah, about women, just like Will Smith in ‘Hitch’. But totally, and obviously I was pretty damn wrong! I never had it in the palm of my hand. In fact, I never even had it in the blast radius of a MOAB (commonly known as Mother Of All Bombs, ask Wiki uncle) detonated in my head. It’s just a fact that no one will ever figure it out either! Oo! Surprise Revelations! Live with it.

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Chapter 3: WAZZUP BEEYOTCH!

Yeah people, the word of sorry didn’t work. The apology* was a failure. Yeah, it started off as a normal high school crush. Fate brought us to different places at the same time. So we talked, and talked just enough. Only educational bullshit. Nothing less, nothing more. But whenever she talked, I honestly felt she wanted to run away from the convos or something. Seriously I felt like that too. But then, I never bothered to show it up to her. Neither did she run off. Maybe it was a show of guts, or of panache, or a ‘Tashan’ show. And then we had Orkut and Messenger (yeah Y!, what else?). Used to chat from mornings till 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Then we finally stopped by saying we had to go for lunch. But then I had my lunch in the meantime, taking it to the PC. Maybe she did the same. Even in a full stomach I used to say goodbye for lunch. God knows why.

She never asked me anything. Neither did I tell her anything. But then it was pretty fuckin obvious, there was a friendship beyond the computer, beyond the ADSL cables. I felt so. She said she was comfy with ADSL data transfer than analog signal transfer over the phone. Damn Y! Messenger. I wanted it to go to the real world, not end like some stupid avatar in ‘Second Life’. And then one fine day, she put a question before me, and she wanted it answered, over the net!

RT: “Eda, Tell me truly and honestly, what am I to you?”

Me: “Excuse me?? Why such a question?”

RT: “I’ve felt it was something more than friendship, yours towards me…so tell me da…”

Now if a girl asks so nicely, I always like sticking to the truth, and so I did, explaining the relation from a high school crush to a friendship, and how such a friend brought smiles in my face. Big Mistake. That was it. Case closed. Done. It was over.

RT: “Da…I’ve heard stuff from your friends, and I am not happy. I have many friends as boys. I regard them as just messenger friends or orkut friends.”

Me: (thinking)[Ok…so that’s what I am. A shit filled virtual avatar with an A.I. sweet!]

RT: “You shouldn’t have said stuff about me, I’ve heard stuff from some of your pals.”

Me: “If you trust my friends more than me, I can’t help it.”

RT: “You should understand. You are egoistic, and it’s your attitude, that’s the reason why your pals do like this…”

Me: [Sound of a Mixer Grinder and an Egg Scrambler working at the same time]

RT: “Bla…BLA…Bla, bla, bla, blaaah, blah bla….”

Me: “continue.”

RT: “Blalablalablalabla…”

To think I’ve never felt so bad in front of a digital device before. Now I lose my temper very easily, but at that time, somehow I didn’t lose it. I felt paranoid one sec and numb the other, but then a smile filled my face, which was slowly nearing the verge of breaking up. But then I didn’t. Somehow, for that instant no feelings came out.

Somehow I couldn’t believe anything. For the first time in my whole life, I was submissive, that too to a girl, and what did she do. She kicked me in the back of my head. I thought she was special. Sad shit! Disgusted I was, come on, I fell down on my knees for such a girl. I thanked my buddy God for telling me the truth of all the stuff before it was too late. And that thought made me smile. What a poor b? She tried to classify me as a good for nothing A.I. or a stupid avatar filled with all the shit in the world.

Aargh…where the fuck is my tea? My tectin, I want it now. I search the so seemingly empty cup as though I was some punk rocker wannabe searching for weed. Sad. Yes, there are some more drops. I empty it down as I finish this line.

*Refer “THAT BETTER HALF”

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Chapter 4: MUSIC INDEED

Somehow, Coincidentally, ‘I Hate Myself For Loving You’ by Joan Jett plays in the background. It took me rather long time to realize the simplicity in all this shit. A complicated question of friendship, that’s what I thought. A fool I was. RT must be laughing as she reads this. But then I don’t give a fuck anymore. You just proved to me that you are a b too dear, and I am happy for you… Now, ironically enough, Queen’s ‘I Want To Break Free’ plays in the background.

RT: “Eda, see, that’s your problem.”

Me: “What??”

RT: “Your attitude, You take stuff to your heart”

Me: “Yeah <Question Mark>”

RT: “But I don’t.”

Me: [Good, so that explains your insensitivity, good!]

RT: “So, should we continue as Friends, simply good messenger friends?”

Me: “Ahem, since you’re deciding everything without any regard to me, I think it’s better you take the decision” [Quack! Quack, Bow! Bow!]

Me:[Was that a question? Go to Hell!! I don’t give a fuckin damn!!]

A strange lining of satisfaction fills my mind. Oh, now ‘Satisfaction’ by The Rolling Stones plays.

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Chapter 5: ENTER SANDMAN

Some lines:

 

That day I still recall

And she was half an inch away,

joking, talking;

I was paragliding…

.

Never I thought a second thought

and there I made my mistake

craving for attention was I,

Friends better strangers

shallow were they;

Everything felt so hollow.

.

She talked and joked,

and laughed and paused;

Never to me but I so saw

Sad but true…

.

Discotheque, I gave myself; yes,

not to love, to friendship it was;

And to think she thought

the things I never imagined

How bitchy can such a beauty

go to prove her point?

.

I watched in shame,

in disbelief; It was ego,

she said: A virtual, messenger

pal was I, nothing more

.

It was my attitude, indeed it was;

But then there was a heart, mine

Why don’t they stop to think of

such a thing as feeling before

they with all that spirit

prove to be bitchy?

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I am a kind of guy who takes stuff personally and to the heart, but then in this matter I feel kinda insensitive. That’s the whole point of writing it down. I’ll tend to forget such an incident. Such a precaution is well needed, when in the future, I need to have something to show my supermodel wife and our daughter something that’s worth reading, my past. Aargh! Why do I keep elevating myself to the future!

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Chapter 6: ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST

So, That’s it. End of Story. That brings us back to the present. My “Major” Party was on the 16^th, 2 days ago. All my buddies, Everyone came, almost everyone. I felt kinda good and happy. I am an Adult now! Whee, now I can get my hands on that Lambo Superleggera as soon as make enough money. But then there are other reasons to be happy too.

I’ve learned something new just before I turned 18. A lesson of life. A complicated one. It’s about friends and friendship. It’s about how everyone lives for themselves. It’s about being sensitive and insensitive at the same time. It’s about ego. It’s about attitude. It’s about not trusting a girl by her words. It’s about controlling oneself. It’s about the heart and about the mind. Strange revelations, the veils of the sly lady vampires stripped down to what they really are…never near a Dracula, just equal to bitches with wings, and some thought they were angels. Sad. Just happy to realize I’m a man now. Yeah, I am a man now. Period.

Whatever the doc ordered…

It’s just fascinating how different people look at life. No matter how similar they are each one always has a different perspective about life. It’s just funny how different people perceive the various situations in life. Just imagine the various variables that come into considering the complex riddle called life. You can see how everyone has a clearly different and definite perspective. Each one has a definite pathway laid before them yet they are so uncertain about the future.

Look how feeble and powerless how we humans are!! But then there are still some in this world who believe the way of the world is with us. Sheesh! Do they ever stop to think that they are one in a million and they are just part of a huge probability that starts even from the day their makers had sex! Come on, let’s face it! Still there is a probability that which sperm head pokes the egg in the ovary first! It’s just a plain fact that even your existence is a part of a probability which depends upon countless variables some of which you don’t even know existed.

But then there is the all-consuming ego which no one can afford to be affected by anyone or anything. Come on! Should I explain this one too!! It’s just too simple!! When was the last time you ever listened to your mom or dad or anyone for that fact? You always thought they were up to something and that they gained some shit from you listening to them. When was the last time you approached your son or dear daughter to tell them they are old enough to even choosing which subject they study!!?? Yes, there were always excuses. Excuses, excuses and more excuses! Why the fuck do you always have to find excuses for the shit around you. Tell me, is it normal human behavior or some new shit trend catching up on dear Hindustan???

“Have you ever considered remarriage?” I asked so to an A.I. bot called Monica* and she replied :“Why are you asking me such a question? Have you ever considered?” Now, why the fuck should I reconsider remarriage, is she trying to marry me or something????

I know I’m swaying away from the topic in normal directions, but then it was never about this topic, was it?? It was the simple point of writing what came into my mind spontaneously!! Oh! What a relief!! What are you looking at??? Comment!

*Names changed to protect privacy