Here a Heads Up DISCLAIMER for you. This is a Story. Like the rest of the FPS Series.

***

^_^

We make a lot of mistakes in life. Bad decisions, Judgmental errors, and so on. But it is when it comes back to you at a point of time where it should come back to you, that bugs the shit out of you. My life is like that. A plethora of crapping in the past has resulted in a recoil effect. And it is hitting me hard now.

I was never a loner. I never preferred such peace in my life. But then like they say, Nothing lasts forever. But in the long run, I have seen all my decisions were right, even though they looked totally out of place when that time frame actually chanced. But then, the guy who is always right isn’t the one who is always popular right?

Also, I have come to learn that all this pyaar vyaar ishq vishq is bloody overrated. 4 years have been wasted on that. And when I look back, all I can see is that, Friendship stays, not this fancy-named bullshit. At the end of the day, judging by how close my friends are, the only difference between a relationship and an awesome friendship is that the aforementioned one has too much of sex and emotional baggage attached to it. In short, it is a pain in the ass.

“Friends with benefits” <- Nice term no? Even though it disgusts most of the community I was brought up into, I have come to respect it. Everyone has Needs, Necessities, Comforts and Luxuries. Friendship is a need. being a good friend is a Necessity. but then when you introduce benefits into the equation, it jumps the gun to luxury. No comfort zone is traversed in the process. But then, it depends upon what a sort of friend you are, or the nature of that friendship. But most of you will be risking a friendship when it comes to this. But then here is advice:

Your life is pointless without risking it. After you are done taking the risk, your life becomes even more pointless anyway. – The Hollow  Baba

So, we both were “Friends with benefits”. It so happens that we still are. It is funny how simple and term can be complicated to you and still be very simple to me. It all started as a normal Bollywood type Love Story, minus the crappy songs of course. She used to stare at me mad, and I used to enjoy it. We never knew each other then like we do now. We were just random strangers sexually attracted to each other.

And that was, so long ago. When our paths crossed each other after years, we had become acquaintances, then friends, and then pretty good friends. Thanks to the 6 degrees of separation thing. But then, what we had was much more than a friendship. You could never say we were “in a relationship”, because we were simply not. Now, you must be thinking that this is just Denial. But no, I am denying the fact that it is denial, so chuck your stupid grin off your face.

Now she, was this total wacko. A Joan Jett reincarnated. That awesome. Now, you tell me? How can I not have “feelings” for her? At first it was weird. Things seemed to be out of place. There were a lot of things that “the society” would call blasphemy. First of all we were both metalheads. Then, she was elder to me. And well, a guy who is 5 feet 6, normally never gets a girl that short you see. So that was that. And the other thing was that, we were dating two assholes on the other end as well.

Pic Courtesy : Getty Images dot Com

But things went all Dabangg when in a week’s time, we saw each other Single. And we still stay Single. Funny part is, none of us now cares to establish a relationship with anyone now. For me, a new girl has to be better than her to impress me, and for her, a new asshole has to be better than me. Which I think is pretty much not a possibility from how the world is going about now.

Besides the sex, and feeling pretty good when the other person is around, which is pretty awesome, this friendship has grown so mature that what most of you dreams about, like emotional freedom, and personal space, all exist here.

I guess that is it. All I can now say is Let’s wait and watch.

- From the Diary of a Friend.

***

HollowBaba adds: I like the way this is going. They always seem so happy. Also, Thank you all for bearing with me for 5 years.

So Here’s to Vote:

::

Speaking of which, I think it is fair and a good time to welcome be back after my unexpected break from WordPress. Usually, as you people know about me, a girl would chance as a reason for this, but trust me, this has nothing to do with anything dildo-philic.

Now, I just went through my whole WordPress and found out that I was blogging since the Winter of 2006. Phew, 5 years. and did anything change? Yes. It did.

For starters, just look at how I operate things now. I’m writing down this post to revive my 10k user-hit website, which also shows how less desperate I am this days.

Lets say I have come to peace with the fact that every one, at the end of the day, lives for him/herself only, and it doesn’t matter how nice a goody goody pants you are, you still wont take no shit if anything that is affected you and only you, is tampered with.

My point is, I am back, bitches!

::

Fillion Montson:

And there he was. Like always. It just seemed that this time he had it. The Restaurant seemed to be a distant dream now. he didn’t know what to choose now. But above all that, he dint know what he really wanted. He couldn’t digest what he saw. It was huge. And taller than what he could ever have imagined anything bearing such a name to be. Anyway, that time was long back, and looking back to it seemed to ease some of his inborn urges. And then he concluded. It was the patty. It has always been the patty. He was always specific with what he wanted. A Tower Hamburger, with Cheese and Bacon, with a pinch of Pepper. Whatever the mushy yet grainy bread made for sheer awesomeness, it all came down to the patty, and it was the Patty that decided the Burger. Not the crust, not the topping, not the sauces, but the Patty, and the Patty alone.

::

::

Lisa Himax Rayce:

She was exhausted. But that was the least of her problems now. It had broke. The idea of double walling never worked, she knew that, but he was adamant. And he was stupid. But all that drowned in the pure pleasure she fed herself with, then. And it was only now that she saw what had happened. After one and a half months. How could she be so careless? She stared at her very reflection on the mirror. She had to become what she feared the most. A murderer…

She always had a choice. It was clear. But she drowned it for the immediacy. And now she has come to regret it. She had been a symbol of the femme fatale. But this time she had to stop his breath before he saw the light of the world.

::

Joeyce Junior:

He checked the harness. And rechecked it, and rechecked it. But he didn’t trust himself. Everyone around him were staring at him, he thought. But they weren’t. All he could hear were jokes that were made to kill the tension, kill the fear, the jerk of which was to hit them any moment now. But that is not what his brain interpreted it to be. They were shouting in unison: “You dont have it in you. You will.. Hah! haha, look at your face douchebag!” And that is when every single noise was silenced with a screech. It was from below, and as he looked down to the blue paint-coated controller booth, he saw a young man wearing “Jinga Jikka Amusement Park: Ya havin’ fun yet?” blue-cream themed tee push the button. And so the Roller coaster came into life…

::

And that is when sturdy Fillion snapped. And that is when the sexy Lisa snapped. And that is when the young Joeyce snapped. They Puked. Again.

::

::

***

Enter Protagonist. The chap had an awesome group of people around him called friends. Soon he gets a girl, and thats that. Here’s where the second girl enters. Now you all might be thinking, will she be threat to the relationship? Does he have an affair with this new chick, bla bla.. usual TV series stuff. But then this aint that. This happens to be my blogpost, so that never chances(trust me. it never will as well).

So second girl enters, quickly becomes one of the best buddies. (now thats skill!) All’s well. But it is here that something goes wrong. She gets ridiculed. The guy doesnt have a clue why. But apparently he does(you can almost sense the confusion there). Somehow, he finds a wall. Something like a Great Wall of China, with his “old” buddies on top.

***

Now here’s the thing.

He has a girl. She loves him, He loves her.

He has a best friend. She makes him happy, he makes her happy.

He can climb that wall, “can” NOT “will” or “should” or “has to”.

He wants to climb that wall. But he needs two people on board with him. The two girls.

Finally he makes it up with both of them. There he finds his buddies.

The Great Wall of China is long, and huge, and there is place for everyone.

He needs Everyone on the great wall.

***

Please try to find your point in this post.I would really appreciate if you posted what you have gathered in my comments section. Just want to know if this write up had a point.

***

Ciao Buggers. Cheers. \m/

If I remember correctly, It was on 20th february. Our seniors had called us to make something for the Annual procession we had in our College as the starting gig of our Art’s Fest Stage events. So, Vilbin Varghese, Nebin Jose and me, we decided to go a lil further and pull this off.

All we did was take out the Strong Beer bottle, stare at it for half an hour, brainstorm. Then it was just cardboard, size 20 staplers, Glue, Mason’s tape, Thin Wire, Black Chartpaper, Glazing paper, Scissors, and 6-7 hours of Hard work. But we enjoyed every moment of it. You just dont call it Good Times like that, it is because it is so. Maybe thats why we 19 year olds just did it. Here’s the end product:

and so i took a sip from my creation.

These were taken at the procession. The bottle was modeled so as to fit me. I walked the walk. (Sorry, but didnt take the solo pics of the bottle in all that excitement)

the whole world never mattered anyway...

King of Good times it was.

**

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**

Cheers. Ciao.

-@hollowmaniac

This time I froze. She was looking into my eyes; staring as if it were my waist lines. But they weren’t. I was too busy in thought to answer her query, for she had asked me what had happened. I knew the answer, but I couldn’t tell her. My language suddenly got a limited tag, my vocabulary shunted out like those cheap resistor boxes did in my school labs. But that’s that.

It was on a perfectly bright morning, some day at school, it was 1996 perhaps, that I first saw him.

He was a perfect straight haired fair kid. But then little did I know then that we would grow up to be like this one day. He used to solve funny math problems when he was mad at someone else, unlike me. I used to beat the hell out of someone then. He was good at sports, it was like everything he played, he excelled in it, when I barely went on to average in it. Nothing was impossible for him. He screwed up the entrances to get into the very Government Engineering College I landed myself into, but managed to master some History to land himself in IIT Madras. Humanities.

“There’s nothing to worry, we’ve induced him into a temporary comatose, he’ll be back in eight hours or so. Please calm down.”, smiled the doc. Yeah Right, I thought. Apollo Hospital, Bangalore. One of the best in the country. I hoped only for one thing, his eyes to open wide like it always used to when he used to direct that football to the far post.

Fourteen years we found ourselves in the same class, staring at girls, listening to the same lectures, writing the same papers. But at one point of time, he went eons ahead, skyrocketed himself to stardom. And I looked up to see my best friend in the spotlight. So proud I was.

He made a lot of friends in his golden days. Friends who stayed, and friends who played. And that’s when it all began. One fine day, I found myself in a debate with one of his newly acquired friends. It was a fight to be exact. It was just beginning to heat up when something hit me hard. And so I fell… Dusting myself, pulling myself up from the ground, I saw him. He was there, laughing at me. But then I smiled. He didn’t like that one bit. The friend was sensing her victory, wanting it so much, and then, at that moment he said it. “I’m fed up. You are a disgrace. How dare you address me as your friend? Do you have any Idea who I am?” Yes. Frag grenade, right in the block hole. All those soccer matches, fourteen years of it all, everything, turned to dust in 5 seconds. That night I didn’t sleep.

“Why are you so worried?”, my wife asked me, “It was his fault, how could he miss your Maybach in the middle of a highway?” Oh yeah, she didn’t even have the slightest idea to who he is or was. I was easy to find. He didn’t deliberately, no, he would do that.

Eight hours passed. He opened his eyes. Hospital ceiling. Somewhere, in a hotel room, I smiled.

***

PS: This post was deliberately meant at someone when I started writing it, but soon disappeared as a few more words added up. At that point of desperation which existed on 15th feb, which has totally disappeared now, things came to me in the form of these words. You may take it as a way I consoled myself. But now that I wrote a piece then, I entered it in a contest with very kickass writers, and got nothing out of it. I never expected anything to happen though. So here it is. What I wrote on 15th Feb.

Five minutes into it and he was lost. She looked at him. The moment their eyes met, she turned away. She was a gutsy girl, but whenever she found him staring at her, something inflated her off all that. And that very moment, she felt she was nothing but a small baby girl longing for her father’s warmth. But she longed for his. Her every movement started to feel guilt-prone, something was pulling her to it; nevertheless, something was pulling her to him. It’s then that she felt happy, and sad, all at the same time. It was defying all her logic, and denting her intelligence, but something was pulling her towards it.

He thought to he was impermeable, he thought nothing would ever affect him, he thought he was free from all the urges of life. Until that day. He sat there, staring. Her beauty, was affecting him, even to a point that it was hurting him. He never knew what went through her mind. They were so different, so very opposite, but he felt that connection. It was like achieving a whole, man’s search to completion. And they so very well complemented each other.

************************** Elsewhere **************************

She held his arms so tight that he even doubted she’d break it into two. “I can’t control myself, I want a hug.” He looked at her in awe. He loved being dominated. But, the look in her eyes… he hugged her, and then just like that kissed her on the lips. She jumped up from her seat. That very second, he was expected something bad, but it didn’t happen. She looked down to him, and bit her lips. Then a smile. His life force retuned to him. And then just like that she kissed him back. This time, it was tight, long one, and on the cheeks. He didn’t mind. He loved every moment of it.

“I love you”, he said. Just then he noticed…she was in tears. She hugged him tight n said, “Oh, I didn’t want this to happen, I wanted to fight you, not love you more, now I’ll miss you even more. It pains. I hate you. I hate you.” He looked at her and smiled. Her eyes said everything. She loved him more than anything in this world. They were in love, and nothing else.

***

“We all have different desires and needs, but if we don’t discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.” – Calvin

“And so there I stood, looking into the horizon. What I was searching for was the same thing I wanted in my life. A break. But then I somehow came to the horrifying conclusion that neither the horizon, nor my life would ever have that. It’s always continuous, and one event would lead to another and so on, just like the continual unending water meniscus before me. It has even come to a point where I have to test my mental integrity. But that didn’t happen till Vee said it. She said she loved me. I was shocked at first, but then under my brotherly figure, I wanted to hear that anyway. So in short, I was in relief that I didn’t have to feel guilty of my thoughts anymore. Vee was one girl who was always there in my life. She had a crush on me from the very beginning, and I just blew it with that brotherly dialogue of mine. I didn’t realize then, how I would have wounded her. But now I know… that was one deep cut in her. Vee won’t ever admit it anyway. But then when she said that in my face, I could see her eyes. They were strong, and they told me whatever she didn’t want to tell me. That is, she still is. But then, she knew all my stories. She used to sympathize, yet always compare her to whoever I fell for, and then draw a conclusion that she wasn’t that good. But reality was far more different. That’s why I wanted her to be always with me, by my side. But just like life’s stupid games, came a day, when I looked into her eyes, n saw that strength in her, that she mastered to tell me the truth, so that I may know it before it’s too late. But just right after, at that millisecond, she started doubting herself. That very instant, I realized I was the late one. And she had gone. Just like everyone else. Leaving me alone in this world. And now I’m staring at the deep blue ocean trying to derive the reason for my condition. May be I shouldn’t have told it. Maybe I moved in too fast. Maybe, it’s worth a wait, just like how the shore waits for the same wave to kiss it again…”

And so went his diary. I could see myself as one big asshole to read it. It was full of him and just him only. But I could see myself in it…in a way. Drifting away from the ones who loved you was always easy. It’s getting them back that was the pita. Wait! Wait a second! I know this Vee! That’s when I realized. It was her… It was her all along. My brother fancied her, but I hadn’t known. So stupid of me! OMG! They loved each other so much… and yet they parted. And everything else was just a lie, one big lie! Now I understand why they cannot face each other now… after all these years, they still are in love… Why big brother, how did all this happen?? How come you both aren’t together! How come you both punished yourselves like this! Why??

Maybe, life wasn’t that simple. I shouldn’t ask. But I must find out. So I turned to the next page…

There was this really innocent girl. But then, she was sweet, and gorgeous. To be really honest, she wasn’t a bitch. But then, maybe that was the reason why her guys always used her. Maybe, that’s the reason she had to learn everything the hard way. But then, the important fact is that, she learned to live. Everyone loved her, but they all took her for granted. And now, after all these years, she found herself a guy, someone, who she could relate to, on each n every point of her life. He loved her. She loved him. But she knew this wouldn’t happen. He knew that too. Even with all the pain he had been through, he had finally found that one person, how could he let her go? But she couldn’t risk giving him more of the suffering. She knew what he had been through. Maybe, she had been there too. At some point of time, she knowingly sacrificed her sense of losing him, over the fact that their inevitable separation, which will chance only years later, would end in more pain that they could take. But nothing is inevitable here. Everything can change. But she loves him. He loves her. And their families love them. The only fact that separates them is what the society had made, in an effort to glorify everything.

It may sound silly. But it’s a serious issue nevertheless. And the way it is now, all of these seem like impervious dykes they cannot pass. Of course, their love is strong enough to emotionally cut down such a barriers, which they have done long back, by falling in love in the first place. But as far as practicality is concerned, there are serious issues to be addressed. She is lost… he is lost. But they are two souls in love. It’s the future that’s uncertain, and it’s the society that’s the hurdle. They can’t be another Romeo-Juliet in all this, for they have grown out of that age-old romances long ago. But then, all this changes nothing. They are in love. They’ll always be in love. It’s the bond between them, that is too strong for any reason like this to break, but being a couple, to live their love with each other, seems so very far away. He cannot run from it like this forever, he knows. And she cannot stand the fact that it is what it is. They so badly want to be together. Each day they talk, they are drawn closer and closer to each other, and each second they don’t see or hear from each other, they tend to love each other more n more. This has landed them in a total complicated situation where they are in love; they want to be with each other, but at the end, after all this (they think) they know it will not happen. How ironic life turned out to be!

At times you think you know a lot of things. But then those are times… just times… at the end of it, you blandly realize the fact that You are more wrong than How wrong you expected yourself to be. Human relationships are like human beings. They are never certain, Hollow at times, and at times, totally reason-void. Now with my rep-sheet, you might be wondering if this is one of those posts, but no, This is a totally different one. I assure you that part at the least. But then to come to think of it from the surface itself, you can see crystal clear to where I’m going. Okay, lets cut the intro part on this one to only this much.

In my 19 years of life, I’ve met a lot of people. But then to come to think of it, only few remain as constants, both in the case of friendship and in the case of acquaintances. o which point I’ve realized that, there are some people who we meet, and when we come in contact with them, we somehow know where we are with them. It’s not like a normal relationship building thing, where the first impression, or the lasting impression decides everything. To those people, There is no need of the “impressing them” part. All they are interested is in your true self, and vice avers.

It’ll be so damn clear about where they stand in our lives. There’ll be no confusion, there’ll be no “That’s Complicated” terminology and there will be No answer for the question… “What is your relation with him/her?” Of-course, we come up with satisfactory answers for ourselves n unsatisfactory ones for the general people, who seem so hollow in their WYSIWYG attitude. But then at the end of the day, Impressing the crowd doesn’t matter, until unless you are some celebrity with a decent fan following.

Here is where I confess. I’m smart enough to know what people think of me, and even smarter enough to know how to ignore them. But then, the only thing that pains me is the fact that the people I ignore think I’m totally clueless about the shit they are throwing at me. Yeah, I know the whole idea of my ignorance is ironic, but then That lil fact, I just cant ignore.

Now to the practical part. To be honest, I’m just 19 and I don’t want to think about my future love-life. Of-course, I’m a lil concerned about my education n all, but then I don’t mix n drive… Its only when someone asks you in the face about the former, will you realize you are at a total baseless point. That time, I choose to ignore reality altogether and warp to my dreamworld. And that’s how I’m still together, in one piece.

From a point where there is no reason, why do we always have to drag ourselves to a place where you have to justify your past, present n future? And even worse, is it even worth it? Why can’t we just dream on, follow our own instincts, n get there when we get there. I’m siting an example: Why are we so worried about the prospective relative conflicts that may occur from some marriage that may happen some 6 years later(definitely not hoping for it), when we are totally in love with each other? Is it even a reason to move on, by stopping what is going on strong, and without any particular reason, just because there’ll be some shit happening if whatever happens the way we are postulated? “If” “What If”.. Are these words totally deciding where we are going? And the worst part is, due to all this shit, we try to make up reasons for which there are no reasons. “I don’t know. I love you so very much. But then at the end of it, We both know it wont work out. And at that point, we would have grown real close to each other like inseparable souls. And if we try to separate us then due to this reason, we may both be ending up in disaster n pain… So lets move on… But then I miss you.” Maybe its my shit attitude towards practicality and “If” at times, but can anyone explain to me why I should do whatever that’s supposed to be done, rather than do what I want? Can’t I ever do what my heart feels like? Why should I let my fcking brain override the shit outta it? Maybe we’ll hurt ourselves if at all it comes. But then Why can’t we love each other till it chances, if at all it comes to that point in the first place?

Ohkay… this is one way of seeing it. But it’s not always this relationship that’s in question. Various others too. Why should practicality ever ruin what is good now? And Why are we letting it ruin it and our happiness? When did all of us become so self-centered, to only think of ourselves in the future? Why can’t we make our dreams, both emotional and the rest as our goals, and try to achieve them, for which we have to be successful in the first place.

What I’m trying to say is… Why can’t we extend our dreams beyond the materialistic bit, ’cause suppose we reach all that we dream of like that and achieve all of that, wouldn’t there be something still missing? Why cant we prioritize those things, so that we’ll jump the hurdles n reach there, rather than making the second last hurdle the finish line? This was one message “Love Aaj Kal” gave, beyond the surface plot n message. And almost every soul missed it. Hope you got what I wanted to tell you from this panoply of rabidness.

Maybe it wont happen, maybe it can’t happen… Maybe you know that.

But then its still a “Maybe”…