plain love.

There was this really innocent girl. But then, she was sweet, and gorgeous. To be really honest, she wasn’t a bitch. But then, maybe that was the reason why her guys always used her. Maybe, that’s the reason she had to learn everything the hard way. But then, the important fact is that, she learned to live. Everyone loved her, but they all took her for granted. And now, after all these years, she found herself a guy, someone, who she could relate to, on each n every point of her life. He loved her. She loved him. But she knew this wouldn’t happen. He knew that too. Even with all the pain he had been through, he had finally found that one person, how could he let her go? But she couldn’t risk giving him more of the suffering. She knew what he had been through. Maybe, she had been there too. At some point of time, she knowingly sacrificed her sense of losing him, over the fact that their inevitable separation, which will chance only years later, would end in more pain that they could take. But nothing is inevitable here. Everything can change. But she loves him. He loves her. And their families love them. The only fact that separates them is what the society had made, in an effort to glorify everything.

It may sound silly. But it’s a serious issue nevertheless. And the way it is now, all of these seem like impervious dykes they cannot pass. Of course, their love is strong enough to emotionally cut down such a barriers, which they have done long back, by falling in love in the first place. But as far as practicality is concerned, there are serious issues to be addressed. She is lost… he is lost. But they are two souls in love. It’s the future that’s uncertain, and it’s the society that’s the hurdle. They can’t be another Romeo-Juliet in all this, for they have grown out of that age-old romances long ago. But then, all this changes nothing. They are in love. They’ll always be in love. It’s the bond between them, that is too strong for any reason like this to break, but being a couple, to live their love with each other, seems so very far away. He cannot run from it like this forever, he knows. And she cannot stand the fact that it is what it is. They so badly want to be together. Each day they talk, they are drawn closer and closer to each other, and each second they don’t see or hear from each other, they tend to love each other more n more. This has landed them in a total complicated situation where they are in love; they want to be with each other, but at the end, after all this (they think) they know it will not happen. How ironic life turned out to be!

radicalshit.

At times you think you know a lot of things. But then those are times… just times… at the end of it, you blandly realize the fact that You are more wrong than How wrong you expected yourself to be. Human relationships are like human beings. They are never certain, Hollow at times, and at times, totally reason-void. Now with my rep-sheet, you might be wondering if this is one of those posts, but no, This is a totally different one. I assure you that part at the least. But then to come to think of it from the surface itself, you can see crystal clear to where I’m going. Okay, lets cut the intro part on this one to only this much.

In my 19 years of life, I’ve met a lot of people. But then to come to think of it, only few remain as constants, both in the case of friendship and in the case of acquaintances. o which point I’ve realized that, there are some people who we meet, and when we come in contact with them, we somehow know where we are with them. It’s not like a normal relationship building thing, where the first impression, or the lasting impression decides everything. To those people, There is no need of the “impressing them” part. All they are interested is in your true self, and vice avers.

It’ll be so damn clear about where they stand in our lives. There’ll be no confusion, there’ll be no “That’s Complicated” terminology and there will be No answer for the question… “What is your relation with him/her?” Of-course, we come up with satisfactory answers for ourselves n unsatisfactory ones for the general people, who seem so hollow in their WYSIWYG attitude. But then at the end of the day, Impressing the crowd doesn’t matter, until unless you are some celebrity with a decent fan following.

Here is where I confess. I’m smart enough to know what people think of me, and even smarter enough to know how to ignore them. But then, the only thing that pains me is the fact that the people I ignore think I’m totally clueless about the shit they are throwing at me. Yeah, I know the whole idea of my ignorance is ironic, but then That lil fact, I just cant ignore.

Now to the practical part. To be honest, I’m just 19 and I don’t want to think about my future love-life. Of-course, I’m a lil concerned about my education n all, but then I don’t mix n drive… Its only when someone asks you in the face about the former, will you realize you are at a total baseless point. That time, I choose to ignore reality altogether and warp to my dreamworld. And that’s how I’m still together, in one piece.

From a point where there is no reason, why do we always have to drag ourselves to a place where you have to justify your past, present n future? And even worse, is it even worth it? Why can’t we just dream on, follow our own instincts, n get there when we get there. I’m siting an example: Why are we so worried about the prospective relative conflicts that may occur from some marriage that may happen some 6 years later(definitely not hoping for it), when we are totally in love with each other? Is it even a reason to move on, by stopping what is going on strong, and without any particular reason, just because there’ll be some shit happening if whatever happens the way we are postulated? “If” “What If”.. Are these words totally deciding where we are going? And the worst part is, due to all this shit, we try to make up reasons for which there are no reasons. “I don’t know. I love you so very much. But then at the end of it, We both know it wont work out. And at that point, we would have grown real close to each other like inseparable souls. And if we try to separate us then due to this reason, we may both be ending up in disaster n pain… So lets move on… But then I miss you.” Maybe its my shit attitude towards practicality and “If” at times, but can anyone explain to me why I should do whatever that’s supposed to be done, rather than do what I want? Can’t I ever do what my heart feels like? Why should I let my fcking brain override the shit outta it? Maybe we’ll hurt ourselves if at all it comes. But then Why can’t we love each other till it chances, if at all it comes to that point in the first place?

Ohkay… this is one way of seeing it. But it’s not always this relationship that’s in question. Various others too. Why should practicality ever ruin what is good now? And Why are we letting it ruin it and our happiness? When did all of us become so self-centered, to only think of ourselves in the future? Why can’t we make our dreams, both emotional and the rest as our goals, and try to achieve them, for which we have to be successful in the first place.

What I’m trying to say is… Why can’t we extend our dreams beyond the materialistic bit, ’cause suppose we reach all that we dream of like that and achieve all of that, wouldn’t there be something still missing? Why cant we prioritize those things, so that we’ll jump the hurdles n reach there, rather than making the second last hurdle the finish line? This was one message “Love Aaj Kal” gave, beyond the surface plot n message. And almost every soul missed it. Hope you got what I wanted to tell you from this panoply of rabidness.

Maybe it wont happen, maybe it can’t happen… Maybe you know that.

But then its still a “Maybe”…

angeleyes.

I was born a pessimist. It was quite natural… even though I was the elder one, I had realized long time back, that I would grow at a real slower pace than my younger blood, and soon he would be all over me one day. Seems like that time has finally arrived. We guys always had our fights n all, but then there was this level of difference between us, which were the reason for most of those really crude action packed fight-sequences…but as he bridged the gap between us, sometime along the line, he became an equal, and now a maybe more mature guy, we started getting along real well. But then, that’s what I always wanted. I was never an elder-bro material. Look at me!! I’m still a kid, acting more on instinct than intelligence.

All these above not-so-relevant-to-any-of-you lines are to stress my first point: And I know that the pessimist always stays in me. I always expected the worse, but instead of daring to face it, I ran away. And look where I reached now. Apparently nowhere.

I was so confused with my life, so disgusted with all that happened to me, and cursing each n everyone on the way, it had even come to that point where I doubted the absolute point of my existence. But then I met a more larger than life pessimist!

Her pessimism made mine seem like that of a salt molecule in the Indian ocean. But that’s precisely how she made me think differently. Apparently her pessimism forced me to view everything with a hope in it. It was not like the girl-trying-to-change-the-guy thing. She always respected my individuality, and I loved hers. But I somehow changed myself for her in an unconscious manner. I even got back to listening Hinder after a real long time! And I’m somehow enjoying the music as well!

♫♫ See!!! ♪♪

I was totally at the endpoint when I met her. She dragged me back up to my game, but I’m still that trashed low-life I was. So if she suddenly disappears one day… I just wont be able to bear it! Of-course she does give me hard times with her fail-proof pessimism when she totally narrates prospective  incidents that end in her death! And there were times when I even have my heart in my mouth!! Yeah, that was her alright! My bestEST friend till now and forever!

But even then at times my pessimism took over. It scared me for like the first time in my life! But then somehow she always used her charisma over me, and I would become this real toddler in front of her, and she like a sweet lady, would pour all that motherly affection on me. Soon I get saturated, and start crossing lines like any other arse-hole! At that time my brain reduces to the size of that of a mosquito, only to drink her blood, but she gave it willingly as well… which is precisely why I’m feeling all the more guilty now!

I always forget my place n screw things up big-time, especially with my totally perverted grey matter.   But after all that good that has happened to me in the past two-three weeks, It seems I’ll hit the block soon. God, I’ve never asked you anything in this world till now… If you are up there,  can you just do something to help this buddy of yours out, please? Something like, tadah! and every-thing’s okay… something like that? ‘coz if things go the way that I fear it will be, then soon I’ll fall. This time, into oblivion, to somewhere where no-one can ever again get me back from. Athu sambhavichaal pinne vverum bore aayirikkum. And All her work will go waste, and that’s the last thing I’ll want now.

U.P.S n Downs…

As you already know, there has been news of KSEB(Kerala State Electricity Board/Kill Se Electric Bitch) of turning to the private sector, to become a company of its own. (Phew! finally!) Yeah, I know the bills will suck, but atleast we will get less blackouts n shit…hopefully! But then my UPS has been bugging me for some time now… some 20 seconds into backup, its already in Overload.

Fly You Fools – Indian Comics about Life.

Yet another bites the Dust…

Ah. There was a time when living my life the way I want was the least of my concerns. Maybe I was happy then. Or happier. Then I lost my virginity to Life.

That time I thought it was for the best, and so never tried to react to it the way I usually do. But then one day, everything fell apart simultaneously. Thats the day I exploded, literally. But then what is gone, is gone. And now as I stand one year since that, I look back to see how retarded the whole thing was.

Most of the damage was done via posts on this page, so I can’t get to blame anyone else other than me, for all that shit. Then there were readers who flocked in for a scoop, who finally got disgusted at the whole issue.  Then college, which was shittier than ever, fucked up torture, politics, fight, In class brawls,… yeah, it was filled with retarded shit… All I want to do now is close the chapter, and to which not-blogging is not an option.  But my recent behavioral patterns taken into account, I can see some progress, from what which was one of the most mentally disturbing scenarios in my life.

Oh fuck! Who am I crapping?

The point is, I have no regrets, just because some people made that sure I don’t feel any. And I just feel I should thank em now.

And yeah, now I feel like caring for myself again, been looking after me, and spotting a less retarded face now. Maybe I feel happy now. Maybe someone else has given me the hope, yet again. And this time, it was strong enough to teleport me inter-polarily through my emotional status.Something good has been chancing with me of late, sporadically, and now my urge to live life has come back, if not temporarily.

Maybe this was the break I needed after all…

1 Hun-dread

Yes. Tagged myself from Fantasia.

1. Last beverage – Tea, Strong and High on Lather
2. Last phone call- Birly
3. Last text message – Birly…
4. Last song you listened to – A tout le monde.
5. Last time you cried – Can’ remember, but sometime recent though.

HAVE YOU EVER.. 

6.Dated someone twice? – No
7. Been cheated on? – Maybe, from my pov, Yes.
8. Cried yourself to sleep? – Yes, lots of times…
9. Lost someone special? – Yes.
10. Been depressed? – Don’t know. Went berserk one fine day over nothing though…
11. Seen ghosts – No.
12.LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS.
Green, Red, White.

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU

15.Made new friends – Yes, I think so…
16. Fallen out of love – Definitely.
17. Laughed until you cried – Yes. Quite literally though.
18. Met someone who changed you – No.
19. Found out who your true friends were – Yes.
20. Found out someone was talking about you – Yes, many a time…
21. Kissed anyone on your friend’s list – Yes.
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life ? –Maybe a hundred, I guess…
23. How many kids do you want to have –Three. To hell with family planning!
24. Do you have any pets – Panthera leo, An African Indian crossbred.
25. Do you want to change your name – No.
26. What did you do for your last birthday – Pre-exam day. Scored some frags in Counter Strike.
27. What time did you wake up today – 7. 05 am
28. What were you doing at midnight last night – Snoring over my Graphics text.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for – Finish with B.Tech.
30. Last time you saw your father – Day before yesterday.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life – Well… later..
32. What are you listening to right now – My seniors joking about some girl who wants to get married somehow…
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom – yes— Nirmal Tom Thomas
34. What’s getting on your nerves right now? The fuckin mousepad of this laptop…
36. Whats your real name –Nitin SJ
37. Relationship Status – Single, and Open.
38. Zodiac sign – Taurus.
39. Male or female – Male
40. Natural Hair color? – Black
41. Hair color now – black..kind of…
42. Pet Peeve – Girls getting the idea that I’m “into” them. And many more…
43. Need Glasses- No.
44. Long or short – height- Tall enough for my survival, hair- Going Long.
45. Height – 5′7”
46. Do you have a crush on someone – No. Not now.
47. What do you like about yourself? – I am can give a hand at things… I can sketch, freehand.
48. Piercings – Not yet.
49. Tattoos – Yes, thinking of one…
50. Righty or lefty – Can do stuff with both, but a righty by practise.

FIRSTS.
51. First surgery – None so far.
52. First piercing – Not yet.
53. First tattoo – -ditto-
54. First best friend – Vipin
55. First sport you joined – Sprint.
56. First pet – A kitten, my bro christened it Kitty.
57. First vacation – Kodiakanal, with family, when I was One or something..
59. First crush- Anurag
60. First alcoholic drink – Beer, Warsteiner…

RIGHT NOW.
61. Eating – Choco-chip cookie
62. Wearing – An army three-fourth, and a sleeveless tee.
63. I’m about to –go chatting, now that I’m done with sem end exams.
64. Speaking to – that senior dude, who wants his lap back…
65. Waiting to –have some tequila, hopefully.
66. Want kids? – Not now.
67. Want to get married? – No.
68. Careers in mind? – Nothing now.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
69. Lips or eyes – eyes
70. Hugs or kisses – XOXO. Both.
71. Shorter or taller- Taller, a lil bit, or too short.
72. Older or Younger – Younger
73. Romantic or spontaneous – Spontaneous
74. Nice stomach or nice arms – Both.
75. Tattoos or piercings- Piercings.
76. Sensitive or loud- Sensitive…
77. Hook-up or relationship – Relationship that involved a satisfactory hook-up.
78. Trouble maker or hesitant-Tm!

HAVE YOU EVER.
79. Kissed a stranger – Yes…
80. Drank hard liquor – Not yet.
81. Lost glasses/contacts –I don’t wear glasses, lost some contacts when my old phone blew up though…:D
82. Sex on first date – Depends.
83. Broken someone’s heart – Hell yeah…
84. Had your own heartbroken – Yes.
85. Been arrested?- Just a lil…
86. Turned someone down – Yes.
87. Cried when someone died – No.
88. Got someone into trouble intentionally – Hahaha.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN.
89. Yourself – At times, a lil over.
90. Miracles – Yes.
91. Love at first sight – Yes. But it seems it’ll soon wear off…
92. Heaven – on Earth, No. Up there—No…
93. Santa Claus – No..
94. Kissing on the first date? – Yes.
95. Angels – No…

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY.
96. Is there one person you want to be with right now? – Yes.
97. Had more than one boyfriend/ girlfriend at one time? – Yes.
98. Do you believe it’s possible to remain faithful forever? – Depends.
99. What’s the one thing you cannot live without? – My sisters, and my family.
100. Posting this as 100 truths? – Yeah, you can say that…

BLACK and WHITE : part 4

<Part 3

Chapter 4 : The Firefly

Well. Given the current state of events and the kind of feedback I’m getting, some of you, yes some of you think I’ll grow out to write something better and worthwhile to read one fine day. Duh! But hate to disappoint you folks, coz that just won’t happen. Not today.

Panacea. That’s the right word. Yep, that’s what you all want, that’s what everyone, the whole goddamn world wants. One word that solves everything; But I don’t think it’s going to end anything…anything at all… because it just isn’t good enough!

It all started at school. For me Loyola, my second home, the place I miss the most now. Yes, I’m a Loyolite for life, and proud to be one. Looking at the schooling I was offered, I should have been much more now, but then I would be totally in the honest of lights when I say Loyola made me. It developed me to what I am now. But to the dismay of many others and me, the development ended there. I couldn’t carry it forward. I’m trying to, desperately though.

Life was easy then. Way easier. No worries, no guilt, just Black n White awesomeness filling a campus with dry sarcasm to eternal friendships.  Aah! From Crown caps to Football to ‘hack’ girls, it was a kickass journey; a dream lived, and so dearly missed. I wish I shouldn’t have had to grow out of it. Something, that remote something, that still keeps me going, are live memories of everything we had in these 13 years.

They feel so godly now, something unattainable; something that would never chance in this life span ever again. I was the one who usually had stories, a hell lot, most of ‘em made up, to creative perfectionism that is. Now life feels less a fairy tale and more something that is absolute. Someplace, where worthless souls in even more worthless bodies are put there because they have to live, and not because they want to.

Life has become all too serious now. Responsibilities, Material aims, Conditional Bonds, yes, I’m beginning to see reality, and I hate it. Wish I could a rebel once more, surrounded by ‘friends’, a free out of control intellectual being donning the Black n White uniform, the one that made reality shrink into nothingness before its power. Wish I was in Loyola forever…

Knightfall

It is to be understood that this is not meant to be read. It’s just my feeling, and me as a whole, just trying to move on. I have no one else in this world as close as this for its patience to hear everything I have to say. vending my feelings and sharing it with my close friend, my blog, is just because I can find sleep in atleast some of the sleepless nights.

***

My life changed a lot in the past 12 months. I just don’t know what happened, but then I don’t think the transistion went well. Now I’m stuck in this penumbra of nothingness, trying to attain the halcyon condition I had been 365.25 days ago.

Apart from the 50-something pals at school, who I miss a lot, I had some friends who were kinda close, as it was safe for me to point them out as my ‘very good friends’. But then I was too dumb then, acted on impulse rather than intuition. And I routed this blog to a whole new level. I was writing fiction from the very beginning, from 2006 onwards. But that were posts everyone related too, and so was thought to be real. Then like every average teenager, girls came and went, and one such stuck with me, as my dear friend.

That time I was writing about a girl I used to admire in Maths classes. It was pretty obvious to everyone that I was writing my mind off, rather than constructing fiction, a way to attain attention, as sex, girls, love, and words like fuck, shit, cunt all make people hold on to the posts for a little long.

That time it was all about the hits, the no. I was getting per day on this page. I closely related my life to this blg, and slowly without realising the gravity of it, lost myself to it. But I never mentioned anyone’s name in the blog, and it was written as a first person narrative.

I was never a ladies man. Neither is now. I just had 1 friend, and thats it. But just because I wrote all that up, many people, everyone who had the slightest of intentions to play with me, got into the driving seat, to point out who I was writing about, It was their one and only guess, as there weren’t much options on that. A dude with a friend, who is loathed about by others, then that dude writes something up in a blog about a girl, then you knows where it all points out.

People say shit most of the time. I’ve grown up hearing shit from everywhere except in my family. An inferiority complex built up carefully and slowly by the years, but was wearing off with her help. Even if she didn’t talk much, her brief company was ebough for me to feel that I was someone. But then little did I know the blog was to be read by every single motherfuckin sons of bitches! I thought it would just exist something as unimportant as my life till then.

Surrounded by gossips from a very young age, I started to ignore them, and just nod to every thing directed at me. That usually worked, as it soon died out. But this one only got worse, and honestly, I didn’t see it coming. If I knew the outcome then I wouldn’t have been writing in this page since last year.

I always blamed myself for all this, my plethoric ego playing over me. And after a year, it never died out. I still can’t get over myself. This is one permanent dent in my life, and on my self esteem, which is close to nil now.

I used to love me, loath myself… but now at times, I feel disgust for my being. Yeah, Its easy for everyone to say “Get over it, move on”, et cætera, et cætera, but then loss is just too much It was a big price I had to pay.

Honour is something I lost in front of her. The only thing I ever had as mine. Honour. Now I don’t. Now whatever I did after that is another story. Losing a friend just like that, is more painful that angering. I cried, yes, I did, alot. But then How could I ever express that outside, so I vent it all out through Anger, somethingthat was like a beast in me. My bane, my temper, it released like hell, rained on my blogposts, making matters only worse. And I always wished for a panacea for everything. But then I broke the threshold, her trust, and her friendship, and my honour.

Now everything I do is taken either as my inability to move on, or my move to attract attention and get famous, or just my fucking attitude problem. But then, has anyone ever cared to find out how I have felt. I am also a human being in full, with feelings and insecurities. I was never the better one. I always tried. I still try. But then she hates me. I may have changed her status by all this, but she was in the good light, is still now, and is still loved by all in the same way she was then. But then I cannot heal her wound, and every new thing is taken as another cut infected by me on that same wound. And I have lost my right to ask for forgiveness.

Yes, it’s been a year. I lost my self, my ability to form new friendships, my will over my body(lost about 10 kilos, and gained nothing), and my piece of mind. A feeling of how I suck more today builds up every new morning. I have lost it. That very blow to my friendship cost me the whole world, my whole world…

In Memorial

Epitaph:

“Aloha everyone! my love is dead!

I’m happy, You still look exactly the same.

But dear, You were never for me to tame!

Fallen to my Blue Screen of Death she was…

Never did she realize the love I had.

So Die Die Die!! Hastalavista, baby.“

So this article is in memory of my (once upon a time)favourite girls, my ex-girlfriends. Let me be honest with you people on this one. You can’t actually call them ex-girlfriends. I’ll tell you the reasons too. The whole point of me writing this down is of 2 to 3 to several reasons:

• None of them ever told me they love me.
• All of em (almost all) have told they hate me.
• One even threatened she would sent a quotation team to sketch me.
• I have a habit of forgetting unimportant people in my life.
• I would have recalled them, but they are too unimportant.
• I have turned psycho, got a negative number of hugs n kisses.
• And above all that, I am living my goddamn 19th year of my existence, and am still a fuckin virgin!

So, before I forget them, let me type it down. Fancy me! I’ve already forgotten their names!

OK, lets start. So, there was me in the beginning, then 3 girls came into my life. Okay, I admit. Even though I’m pretty sure its three, I can only remember two of them. That too barely!

Lets start with the second girl. I was 16. We were at the same tuitions. I was in the 10th grade. She was one of girls my sweet Rakhi sis used to hang out with. And I fancied her. Kinda. Well, after seeing her wear shades of Orange almost every day, we used to call her..ahem…Orangie!! I know its a stupid name, but who gives a fuck? Oh damn, I forgot a lot of detail, but then, enter her big bro, mafia style big bro, one day I got enough courage to ring her up, but to my dismay, and fear, that guy picked up the phone. Yeah, I gulped a lotta stuff that day, and had to assume the role of a bakery salesman who had actually phoned the wrong house. Then there were two of my best friends after her. So Line CUT CUT. End of Story.

Then enter the seductive dance queen. The Anushka Sharma of my life. But truly immature. The reason she broke up with me(Acc. to her, we were never joined actually…teehee!): Well, because the same filmy dialogue “I’ve never seen you in such a way, you are like a good friend, but not a…” played itself before me too. But I had high hopes. Still she needed a reason to keep me outta bay. She found that successfully in a character of my earlier blogs, and blamed that it was her. That was kinda sad, you see. I made that character up even before I met her, and way before we became kinda friends. And so we argued, she went hyper, started swearing at me one fine day, and so I closed the deal by displaying 20% of my vocabulary on her messenger screen. Last I heard of her was when she finally rang me one one fine day to ..ahem.. threaten me. “We aint related anymore, we never were! and I don’t want to see or hear my name anywhere on the net, understand? Okay” So…End of Story! Bye Bye.

Now lets reason it all out, lay it down on bed. And just point out what I gained n lost, in the whole melodramatic panoply of events…

• I lost my respect for the feminine kind. The only woman I respect now is my Mom.
• I screwed up my 10th board exams with a shitty 82%.
• Even though I managed to score a 90% in 12th boards, I screwed up all my engineering entrances, big time!
• I lost my blog popularity, since I thought stopping the writing would better the situations. That never happened.
• And so I am now in a college which never even featured in my nightmares.
• Due to the first point, I now have a bad-ass image all over college.
• It took me kinda like 6 months or so, from May last year, for me to recover from all this bullshit.
• I have learned to live for myself. I don’t smoke, nor drink. I just want to live now, just for myself, not for any shitty girl, just for me.
• I have learned not to trust anyone, especially Cunt-carriers!
• Now since I’m back, mastered all the courage, and not directly addressing any bitch by name, and as I have published this, I don’t care about the consequences. To think of it, What fuck more could happen?
• I got a lotta new pals.
• I love my unimportant self right now, since I don’t have to give a fuck about anyone!

So to end it. I just have to say a few things.

I am back. This time I am really really bad. I will reincarnate this site and restore this earlier glory, and make it way better. But I promise all the identities will be safe, and I would just start writing stories with some characters and my imagination-built incidents, and it would not have any resemblence to anything, or anyone living or dead. Even after all these idiotic disclaimers, if anyone comes in my way, Its a sure bet that not only will they find themselves revealing their true selves in the very next post, they will also find whatever they did(or whatever they plan on doing) being published in any place in this Web 2.0.

Hope that would be enough for ya idiotic minds. For sensible arseholes, here’s another one. I am extremely Not sorry for whatva part of this blog that offends you. Since I have stopped publisizing this page, you have a fucking choice. i.e. If you think its sickening you, Why the fuck do you bother to read this “retarding” shit!? There’s always the address bar or the ‘Close tab’ button. So Fucktardy!

So, I just hope this new year, a nice one, with fewer foolish fucktards to add a psychopath like me to their ‘People to splatter before I die’ list. And more important people to add to my list. All depends on the success of this blog. Cooperate and reap the returns!

Happy 2009!!

Caio.

Continual Timeshift

It’s looks like life has turned out pretty okay for me…well except for the fact that a normal day for me goes like this…

0100hrs

• Why is my bed crying under my friekin’ feeble body?

0115hrs

• Why is the time 1:15 am, and why the hell am I awake now?

0430hrs

• Why did I sleep on my phone? Oh God! Why are there a dozen of unread messages by the morning?
• Why do I brush my teeth? Why does the water look like it was rerouted from the sewage?

0530hrs

• Why do I take a bath? WTF! Is it necessary?
• Hell no! Why is the time now 6:00am? Where did all that time go?
• Why do I even bother to open a book? Shit.

0630hrs

• Why am I bunking prayer and going to an ancient hotel to have a non-veggie breakfast?
• Why am I on the bus to college by 7:30 am?
• Why does the bus take ages to reach college?

0815hrs

• Why am I opening the civil block all by my f^ckin self?
• What the heck am I doing in college at this time of the morning?
• Why isn’t my assignment complete?

0900hrs

• Why didn’t anyone wish me Good Morning?
• Why am I wishing everyone instead?
• Why am I so involved in some work that I discover when others come? Why don’t I get enlightened beforehand?
• Oh great! Where the hell is my Mechanics note?
• So finally my BEE Note is complete, and so I’ll get the attendance for the last BEE hour. Yippee! But why is the BEE Miss on leave?
• Why did I even come to college today?

1200hrs

• Why in the dip-shit-hole am I showing off in class? What do I have to do that, in the first place?
• Why am I mad at that girl over there for having a two idli breakfast, and bragging that she won’t have her lunch today?
• Why is she mad at me now?
• Why is the college canteen a 5 minute walk away from my block?
• Why am I in the college canteen satisfying my appetite with a retarded lunch?
• Why am I back in class? Why the F?
• Why is she now complaining that she is hungry and swearing at me for having lunch?
• Why did I even bother to have that lunch?
• Why am I swearing at her, and now ignoring her completely, and in a way glorifying everyone around her, except, of course, her herself?
• Why is everyone so paranoid today?

1300hrs

• Why are there so many people out there who all want me to run their errands? Why is it all so retarding shit?
• Why did I even become the Class Representative? What was I thinking then?
• Holy Macaroni! How come I topped the Graphics test that 85% of the class flunked? What does that make me?
• Why am I holding up my drawing sheet in front of that front-bencher girl, who has so many doubts in her life, and giving out that evil laugh momentarily?

1600hrs

• Why am I in the College Bus?
• Why am I now walking back to my Hostel?
• Why am I supposed to get into my hostel by 6:30pm? Why am I getting in at 6:30pm?
• Why is there no water for me to have a bath?

1830hrs

• Finally! Sewage water! But why in the crowcunt am I not doing my laundry?
• Hmm … Prayer time… Why did I pray for everyone I know?
• Why am I opening my book in front, and thinking about something else, yet finishing my homework?

2000hrs

• Why does the supper suck like dip shit?
• Why am I so tired that I go to sleep at 10:00pm?
• Why do I give a round of missed calls before I doze off.

2230hrs

• Why the f^ck am I sleeping?

0000hrs

• Why am I not content with how things turned out for me, and why do I have questions that search for logic for each and everything, yet at the end of the day, forget everything, get ready for the next day, and so generating a 5 day loop which involves nothing, nothing at all?

As you can see, Life is how we make it. But then trash the reality for some time. I’m desperately trying to ignore the questions that I have. But then I want answers. Please feel free to answer them. If you have any suggestions, be my guest.