Vee are the World.

“And so there I stood, looking into the horizon. What I was searching for was the same thing I wanted in my life. A break. But then I somehow came to the horrifying conclusion that neither the horizon, nor my life would ever have that. It’s always continuous, and one event would lead to another and so on, just like the continual unending water meniscus before me. It has even come to a point where I have to test my mental integrity. But that didn’t happen till Vee said it. She said she loved me. I was shocked at first, but then under my brotherly figure, I wanted to hear that anyway. So in short, I was in relief that I didn’t have to feel guilty of my thoughts anymore. Vee was one girl who was always there in my life. She had a crush on me from the very beginning, and I just blew it with that brotherly dialogue of mine. I didn’t realize then, how I would have wounded her. But now I know… that was one deep cut in her. Vee won’t ever admit it anyway. But then when she said that in my face, I could see her eyes. They were strong, and they told me whatever she didn’t want to tell me. That is, she still is. But then, she knew all my stories. She used to sympathize, yet always compare her to whoever I fell for, and then draw a conclusion that she wasn’t that good. But reality was far more different. That’s why I wanted her to be always with me, by my side. But just like life’s stupid games, came a day, when I looked into her eyes, n saw that strength in her, that she mastered to tell me the truth, so that I may know it before it’s too late. But just right after, at that millisecond, she started doubting herself. That very instant, I realized I was the late one. And she had gone. Just like everyone else. Leaving me alone in this world. And now I’m staring at the deep blue ocean trying to derive the reason for my condition. May be I shouldn’t have told it. Maybe I moved in too fast. Maybe, it’s worth a wait, just like how the shore waits for the same wave to kiss it again…”

And so went his diary. I could see myself as one big asshole to read it. It was full of him and just him only. But I could see myself in it…in a way. Drifting away from the ones who loved you was always easy. It’s getting them back that was the pita. Wait! Wait a second! I know this Vee! That’s when I realized. It was her… It was her all along. My brother fancied her, but I hadn’t known. So stupid of me! OMG! They loved each other so much… and yet they parted. And everything else was just a lie, one big lie! Now I understand why they cannot face each other now… after all these years, they still are in love… Why big brother, how did all this happen?? How come you both aren’t together! How come you both punished yourselves like this! Why??

Maybe, life wasn’t that simple. I shouldn’t ask. But I must find out. So I turned to the next page…

radicalshit.

At times you think you know a lot of things. But then those are times… just times… at the end of it, you blandly realize the fact that You are more wrong than How wrong you expected yourself to be. Human relationships are like human beings. They are never certain, Hollow at times, and at times, totally reason-void. Now with my rep-sheet, you might be wondering if this is one of those posts, but no, This is a totally different one. I assure you that part at the least. But then to come to think of it from the surface itself, you can see crystal clear to where I’m going. Okay, lets cut the intro part on this one to only this much.

In my 19 years of life, I’ve met a lot of people. But then to come to think of it, only few remain as constants, both in the case of friendship and in the case of acquaintances. o which point I’ve realized that, there are some people who we meet, and when we come in contact with them, we somehow know where we are with them. It’s not like a normal relationship building thing, where the first impression, or the lasting impression decides everything. To those people, There is no need of the “impressing them” part. All they are interested is in your true self, and vice avers.

It’ll be so damn clear about where they stand in our lives. There’ll be no confusion, there’ll be no “That’s Complicated” terminology and there will be No answer for the question… “What is your relation with him/her?” Of-course, we come up with satisfactory answers for ourselves n unsatisfactory ones for the general people, who seem so hollow in their WYSIWYG attitude. But then at the end of the day, Impressing the crowd doesn’t matter, until unless you are some celebrity with a decent fan following.

Here is where I confess. I’m smart enough to know what people think of me, and even smarter enough to know how to ignore them. But then, the only thing that pains me is the fact that the people I ignore think I’m totally clueless about the shit they are throwing at me. Yeah, I know the whole idea of my ignorance is ironic, but then That lil fact, I just cant ignore.

Now to the practical part. To be honest, I’m just 19 and I don’t want to think about my future love-life. Of-course, I’m a lil concerned about my education n all, but then I don’t mix n drive… Its only when someone asks you in the face about the former, will you realize you are at a total baseless point. That time, I choose to ignore reality altogether and warp to my dreamworld. And that’s how I’m still together, in one piece.

From a point where there is no reason, why do we always have to drag ourselves to a place where you have to justify your past, present n future? And even worse, is it even worth it? Why can’t we just dream on, follow our own instincts, n get there when we get there. I’m siting an example: Why are we so worried about the prospective relative conflicts that may occur from some marriage that may happen some 6 years later(definitely not hoping for it), when we are totally in love with each other? Is it even a reason to move on, by stopping what is going on strong, and without any particular reason, just because there’ll be some shit happening if whatever happens the way we are postulated? “If” “What If”.. Are these words totally deciding where we are going? And the worst part is, due to all this shit, we try to make up reasons for which there are no reasons. “I don’t know. I love you so very much. But then at the end of it, We both know it wont work out. And at that point, we would have grown real close to each other like inseparable souls. And if we try to separate us then due to this reason, we may both be ending up in disaster n pain… So lets move on… But then I miss you.” Maybe its my shit attitude towards practicality and “If” at times, but can anyone explain to me why I should do whatever that’s supposed to be done, rather than do what I want? Can’t I ever do what my heart feels like? Why should I let my fcking brain override the shit outta it? Maybe we’ll hurt ourselves if at all it comes. But then Why can’t we love each other till it chances, if at all it comes to that point in the first place?

Ohkay… this is one way of seeing it. But it’s not always this relationship that’s in question. Various others too. Why should practicality ever ruin what is good now? And Why are we letting it ruin it and our happiness? When did all of us become so self-centered, to only think of ourselves in the future? Why can’t we make our dreams, both emotional and the rest as our goals, and try to achieve them, for which we have to be successful in the first place.

What I’m trying to say is… Why can’t we extend our dreams beyond the materialistic bit, ’cause suppose we reach all that we dream of like that and achieve all of that, wouldn’t there be something still missing? Why cant we prioritize those things, so that we’ll jump the hurdles n reach there, rather than making the second last hurdle the finish line? This was one message “Love Aaj Kal” gave, beyond the surface plot n message. And almost every soul missed it. Hope you got what I wanted to tell you from this panoply of rabidness.

Maybe it wont happen, maybe it can’t happen… Maybe you know that.

But then its still a “Maybe”…

solitude…

That night she couldn’t sleep. Maybe she was sleeping all these years, and had woken up only now. But she woke up to nothing more than a sense of loneliness. The air was cold, but she didn’t shiver. Not even one bit. She had lost her chill, and felt the warmth already… traversing from point to point through isotherms, decapitating any laws of thermodynamics and meteorology that were left in the scope of her intellect. But she didn’t mind. She was never lonely, ever in her life, never before. But that night, she couldn’t find peace. She wanted to share, her life, her soul, everything, but she was alone. How ironic the world makes itself seem. One second it puts you in a cradle surrounded by care and the next second, you are to be self-employed man, sometimes an employed man under some self-employed man, selling your own worth for peanuts.

But Tyler had it all figured out. He was a complete man. Girls died over him, and there was always one with him to bed. He wore shades, dressed like a celebrity, but all he did was rob… rob someone of his car, rob someone of his condo, but more, rob someone of his own self. He never hesitated to kill, he was fearless, and he kicked ass like Sly Stallone in the 90s’. But then, to think he was another person was out of the question. He was you, and me, your father, your best friend, your brother, your lover, he was everyone, and still was no-one. He was everywhere but nowhere. *Snap!* Here’s how our story begins!

Maybe all she wanted was the comfort of a guy, all he wanted was material. He was cold, and he was a bastard! But then just like that she changed him. She changed him to something totally contradicting Tyler’s whole existence. He was a new man. He was T.

T wanted to love Leah, but he wasnt strong enough to take pain. Still he was innocent enough. So he loved her. And she loved him. And they loved each other. But they had to part one day. And that day was a year ago.

So today, she was awake, but was he? Maybe she loved him too much, ‘cos after they parted they had made a promise… a promise to see each other. Did he forget? How could he? Was she just a puppet… just another one of Tyler’s playthings… or did she actually change him to T. But she believed. She believed in T. And so she didnt feel the cold in her skin. Her hair didnt rise when the cold wind blew over her naked skin… maybe it was because she had waxed herself to perfection, maybe…

She did not have one drop of tear on her face, but he had. Looking down to her, he couln’t bear to see her in pain. But he was happy for her. Atleast she didnt know he was gone, and to never come back. That would have broken her to pieces, and he never wanted her to feel pain. He had promised her that. But his fate was done with. The Shinigami had written his fate in his Deathnote that very day they parted. And so he watched, as he tried to reach her, and hug her. And so she felt warm.

The End. Or is it?

The Shoe Age.

Yes. Shoes, Chappals, Sandals, Sneakers, Boots, all of em used to feature on our feet some time in the past. But ever since dear Muntazer al-Zaidi, the Iraqi journalist…yep, the guy who has a cult following now, threw his polished leather at Bush, we Indians have so interestingly followed it up with our share.

The general elections yet again saw two useless powers battling it out for a kursee. As the ads say, they are Baajaapaa and YuvaShatti. With Yuvashatti’s hot favourite youngster said he wasnt’ mature enough to become PM, we are forced to think if he is any good in bed either, with a girl that is. If he didnt admit anything of that sort. maybe there was chance of him winning… poor chap, lacks a political brain eh?  And poor Singh got the Shoe hurling this time. Apparently, the shoe did not reach him, and so he ‘pardoned’ the young dude who did it. Whoo! what a generosity!! Daag dene padenge!

And the scores are not levelled. Baajaapaa supremo, who will might well be defeated by a dancing queen in his constistency, i.e. only if the people in that consistency have some grey matter in their heads(Its North, so I doubt it really!), has a record of two shoes, no wait, or were they Chappals? Apparently the guys who threw were dropouts. There’s something you learn in Physics, called Projectile motion, as both chappals fell short of the old bloke by a kilometer!!

But the chappal race is not over as it seems. Gujarat seems to need much better scores in this game.

But I disagree on the treatment they give the shoeflingers. I thought our Constitution preamble read as India to be a

“…SOVEREIGN SOCIALIST SECULAR DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC and to secure to all its citizens:JUSTICE, social, economic and political;

LIBERTY of thought, expression, belief, faith and worship;

EQUALITY of status and of opportunity;

and to promote among them all

FRATERNITY assuring the dignity of the individual and the unity and integrity of the Nation…”

In that case, it is not fair to plead them guilty for shoe flinging. Lets be logical. You can’t blame them as they never disrespected any respected national leader like Mahatma Gandhi or Bhagat Singh… They just did that to yet another guy on the street who thinks he is a hotshot. So thats not a crime. And for the shoe hitting them..What the F are the security for? Since almost all of em are not worthy to be assassinated or anything, its better they start catching shoes… and its the shoes to be blamed and the one who had the shoe hurling up to them of whose activity had eventually started this dramarama, not the source of the shoe, or the chappal for that matter!!

Lord save the King and Queen(of Travancore that is). God bless Kerala. Mera Bharat Mahan!

Guilt free pass.

Yes, my pointless existence will enter its 20th year this May, and It’s high time I did a quick rewind on every uninteresting crap through these 19 years of nothingness. But before I blab out all that crap of a public platform, lemme tell you about my recent findings.

Eventually my Learner’s License ran out yet again, as I continually fail to get my lazy arse to the Driver’s test ground every such day. But then with the Helmet, and at times the Seat Belt, It’s equivalent to having a License in Trivandrum city. It’s been kinda 2 to 3 years I’ve been doing this, and I never had to go behind the ’steel bars of enlightenment’.

Then again, yesterday there comes a ‘doctor’s’ message that Diarrhea is hereditary…just because it runs in your Jeans! And for all those hardcore IPL fans out there to cheer for King Khan’s team, He has no problem with his Left hand, Its just a Manish Malhotra ‘Oh…I look fractured, so dont desert me my fans!’ accessory..A sympathy raincloud!! Just look closely at his deer-eating promo! And where is the PETA this time??

I know that most girls get so annoyed by my writing that they make issues out of it…even sell their crotch to get rid of me. But no one can make me stop! I’m invincible! Muhaha! Remember the pink top I pissed off last time. But that actually was my balls speaking. I did go on to be a nice guy, do the puppy eyes, and ask for forgiveness. After that, that issue went into my trash.

Pretending to be the nice guy was the hardest thing I ever did. And that has eventually become a habit I guess. My first impression is always good…n  i just don’t know why!! Then eventually they find out that I am a sadistic f^ckface who just wants aesthetic satisfaction from gore. But that’s not my fault either. I’ve put that out as disclaimers all over, even on the right hand side of this page..see! And its your right hand not mine!!

Then there were all these sex comedies all over the place. that prompted every bloke to bone the very next pink thing in his proximity. Then came Wolverine, Transformers, and Narnia! There was this South Park episode last month or so, about the Jonas Brothers 3d Concert, and unlike their fag performances which make every cunt dry, this episode was worth watching. It even had Mickey Mouse!! Beat that you fag heads!

And I still hate coffee. Now you can see why there is so much information in his page. I am a f^ckin genius!! Bow down to my awesomeness or I’ll have you skullf^ckd by a vampiric labrador!

And yes, all this has nothing what-so-ever to do with the title!

**************************************

Okay, so I have drifted off the topic by a lil bit. But that doesnt spoil your tolerance value in any way no? What say you puny humanoid robots?

to SMACK or not to…

Okay. That’s it. I mean This is it.

For all those arse-holes who criticize every shit I cook up and for all the Sons n Daughters of bitches(and god knows what…) who I have so sadistically disturbed( n annoyed till the toe hair) frequently in definite time periods with my blog posts… this would be a kinda ‘relief’ post.

‘Cause this time, only this fuckin’ single time, I’m giving the option to you. The Red Button. The ball, finally in your fuckin’ court! So before you start to stroke yourself over it, My sincere apologies to the good (for nothing) followers of my posts. I know I’m good, but then, you know the pressures of daily life.

Here’s here’s the decider poll for you all sad brainblenders…

*CONDITIONS APPLY

*I Guarantee the outcome of this blog poll to be taken dead serious, if the following conditions are met.

• i should get VOTES!!! no. of votes per week should exceed 100.(try clicking more than once…)

• No calls, threats and sketch jobs due to quotations are invited.

• All regardless of sex, religion, cast, following, should vote.Even stupid girls should vote.

***

If any one of this conditions are not satisfied, I’ll just …well… continue my ULTIMATE ANARCHY in this public platform. So decide..

So long suckers!!

READ!!

I may sound a lil desp at the moment for some, but then I don’t give a fuck either!

My 18th V-day was a waste of precious time. Or maybe something did happen so important in my life… but then it’s totally irrelevant at this moment by the way things stand. Yeah RT is back… and she is really mad… at me. after some 4-5 hours with me in proximity, all I got was frequent dangerous stares, and two or three rude single word replies…

Lucky me… no?

Yeah yeah… I know, “oh damn! don’t start off with that again… I’ve been hearing it for a year now”, but then whatever you say, I am about to justify my stand, and I will too. Did I mention the part where she called me up and “threatened” me, and forced me to discontinue my writing. (That was utmost dumb, now that it on the page, even if anything happens, I can clearly point out at someone…) But then, then it was decency, that’s why the character RT took a break from the First person Stories. But then withall that, I learned a thing. Girls can be real selfish at times. And they don’t usually daw a line between “pampering” love and unconditional love. Well, fuck! leave it… Why the fuck am I starting it again. But then she could have at least looked at me as if she knew me, just remotely, as if ‘I’ve seen that chap somewhere’ type. Even with too much problems lately, keeping my decency so that she won’t feel like that, that was the stupid thing I did. Could have asked her face to face, but then fuck! leave it. I am a dude typing shit over the net to woo a friend back. Yeah, in a really stupid position now. Laugh laugh… laugh till your balls fall off!!

Why does even remotely think that I am after her? Well, come on… don’t blame my writing. Yeah, well kinda it was my mistake, elevating some girl who lives on the other side of the city, from a beautiful kind villagewaali-jeysi ladki to some higher being I hate right now. From what it was then, to what it is now, my perception of a good girl never changed… girls changed though.

I hate to be in a fuckin position where I fall off the edge. And I hate being hated.., that too for at one prick of time attaching myself emotionally to the subject! What a fuckin concept! How can I ever treat every good looking intelligent girl as my sister?? What do these girls think of themselves? priced posessions ulla ahangaram? That goes to some of the Kottayam girls as well. When I get interested in any one of you, I’ll notify it ASAP, even if its by mail, or by phone. Till then, please for-fuckin-hell’s-sake, just remove the notion from your fucked up heads that you are all angels n shit, n this poor me is after you all. Go get a fuckin life!!

And for all those bitch-babes who think getting a ’sister’ position from me, so that they can very well avoid the assumed potential danger, forget it. Being my sister is one of the hardest jobs in the world. My dear sisters know it. And however you try you all won’t even qualify for my sister’s sandal heel position. It’s just so because, my behnas are the most special people in the world for me. So don’t even fucking think about getting there and ruining a rather high benchmark. You people are too primitive to even take the first step, so forget getting there…

Did I mention that when I paint or sketch, the end product only goes to the most special ones, if one never reached you, then it’s likely I’ll forget your name the very next day, and if you already have one, better make sure you get a continual series… ’cause if you aren’t, it’s all your fault…

The fact is that…

… I am not in a craze of making friends. Qualiy, not quantity.  My dear ones, who ‘know’ me, are  still with me, and they’ll be there sempiternally, so just don’t get worried about my ’social image’…and…

… You see… at the end of the day, I know what I want, and I know what I am. I’m just THAT DAMN Good. And the best part is, I’m fully aware of it too.

Now Playing:  “Oh My Friend…” [Mickey J Meyer, Happy Days(2007), Malayalam & Telugu]

Holy f^ck!

Yeah! My life’s totally fucked up right now. I don’t know what I’m doing right now. Just typing off shit like no tomorrow.

So sex deprived, and so confused, searching for that purpose in life, but I still can’t get my godmn fucking ass to settle somewhere and start studying. Holy Fuckeroonie!! I cut my class today. Felt like bunking, so I took a train back home. This is too shitty!. I feel like I’ll explode in this shithole! Fuck me! Spank my ass!

Ohkay…may be I’m a little over, or maybe its the drugs that was meant for the viral fever that’s kicking in….but I don’t feel like doing any fuck with my life anymore. I don’t drink, nor smoke, but still feel as miserable as fucking smoking drunkard…with no purpose, nothing satisfying nor completing my inner self. All I now have is a feeling of extreme loneliness…Yeah! I am fucking 19…still girl-deprived…Fuck me!

This fuckin insecurity is eating me. Oh! fuck! Why is this so much pain. I don’t know who I am, why I am, what I am! Damn it! it’s the fault of the chinhuahua!!

Somebody help me! I need a freaking counselor. Or else I’ll kick your sorry ass into the deep hollows of the oblivion. Oblige with all the rules I put before you before I come and give you that sorry night you wished that never came. I am not in control of myself right now! As it is already obvious to you. The lack of purpose has led me to such a fuckin state where everything feels so shitty that I can’t even satisfy myself by fucking myself!

Look at me! Look how far I have gone down. Sunk into nothingness! Who is to blame? tell me…WHO IS TO?

Life was way less complicated in school. I never wanted any of this. There’s records to be completed. Notes to be finished, lots n lots of stuff left to study, and when I wake up every morning, I feel there’s no purpose? Who is in the gaining circle? I don’t want to dance myself to fame anymore. I hate attention right now! Fuck!

All I do right now is just to make sure I survive to see a tomorrow. But taking that into consideration, I ask myself, is it worth it?

Finally! Christmas!

Aaha! some wine awaits!

This a public service announcement.

I have started accepting Christmas and new year gifts in the form of Cash, Cheque, Demand Drafts, Money Orders, whole account transfers, free tickets to Disneyland, Leather Jackets, Black-forest cakes, movie invites, etc etc. Offers close real soon. Be the first and avoid the rush later on…

 

NB:

if you want to ‘read’ something, go to my other blog… the links’ somewhere in this very page.

Continual Timeshift

It’s looks like life has turned out pretty okay for me…well except for the fact that a normal day for me goes like this…

0100hrs

• Why is my bed crying under my friekin’ feeble body?

0115hrs

• Why is the time 1:15 am, and why the hell am I awake now?

0430hrs

• Why did I sleep on my phone? Oh God! Why are there a dozen of unread messages by the morning?
• Why do I brush my teeth? Why does the water look like it was rerouted from the sewage?

0530hrs

• Why do I take a bath? WTF! Is it necessary?
• Hell no! Why is the time now 6:00am? Where did all that time go?
• Why do I even bother to open a book? Shit.

0630hrs

• Why am I bunking prayer and going to an ancient hotel to have a non-veggie breakfast?
• Why am I on the bus to college by 7:30 am?
• Why does the bus take ages to reach college?

0815hrs

• Why am I opening the civil block all by my f^ckin self?
• What the heck am I doing in college at this time of the morning?
• Why isn’t my assignment complete?

0900hrs

• Why didn’t anyone wish me Good Morning?
• Why am I wishing everyone instead?
• Why am I so involved in some work that I discover when others come? Why don’t I get enlightened beforehand?
• Oh great! Where the hell is my Mechanics note?
• So finally my BEE Note is complete, and so I’ll get the attendance for the last BEE hour. Yippee! But why is the BEE Miss on leave?
• Why did I even come to college today?

1200hrs

• Why in the dip-shit-hole am I showing off in class? What do I have to do that, in the first place?
• Why am I mad at that girl over there for having a two idli breakfast, and bragging that she won’t have her lunch today?
• Why is she mad at me now?
• Why is the college canteen a 5 minute walk away from my block?
• Why am I in the college canteen satisfying my appetite with a retarded lunch?
• Why am I back in class? Why the F?
• Why is she now complaining that she is hungry and swearing at me for having lunch?
• Why did I even bother to have that lunch?
• Why am I swearing at her, and now ignoring her completely, and in a way glorifying everyone around her, except, of course, her herself?
• Why is everyone so paranoid today?

1300hrs

• Why are there so many people out there who all want me to run their errands? Why is it all so retarding shit?
• Why did I even become the Class Representative? What was I thinking then?
• Holy Macaroni! How come I topped the Graphics test that 85% of the class flunked? What does that make me?
• Why am I holding up my drawing sheet in front of that front-bencher girl, who has so many doubts in her life, and giving out that evil laugh momentarily?

1600hrs

• Why am I in the College Bus?
• Why am I now walking back to my Hostel?
• Why am I supposed to get into my hostel by 6:30pm? Why am I getting in at 6:30pm?
• Why is there no water for me to have a bath?

1830hrs

• Finally! Sewage water! But why in the crowcunt am I not doing my laundry?
• Hmm … Prayer time… Why did I pray for everyone I know?
• Why am I opening my book in front, and thinking about something else, yet finishing my homework?

2000hrs

• Why does the supper suck like dip shit?
• Why am I so tired that I go to sleep at 10:00pm?
• Why do I give a round of missed calls before I doze off.

2230hrs

• Why the f^ck am I sleeping?

0000hrs

• Why am I not content with how things turned out for me, and why do I have questions that search for logic for each and everything, yet at the end of the day, forget everything, get ready for the next day, and so generating a 5 day loop which involves nothing, nothing at all?

As you can see, Life is how we make it. But then trash the reality for some time. I’m desperately trying to ignore the questions that I have. But then I want answers. Please feel free to answer them. If you have any suggestions, be my guest.