plain love.

There was this really innocent girl. But then, she was sweet, and gorgeous. To be really honest, she wasn’t a bitch. But then, maybe that was the reason why her guys always used her. Maybe, that’s the reason she had to learn everything the hard way. But then, the important fact is that, she learned to live. Everyone loved her, but they all took her for granted. And now, after all these years, she found herself a guy, someone, who she could relate to, on each n every point of her life. He loved her. She loved him. But she knew this wouldn’t happen. He knew that too. Even with all the pain he had been through, he had finally found that one person, how could he let her go? But she couldn’t risk giving him more of the suffering. She knew what he had been through. Maybe, she had been there too. At some point of time, she knowingly sacrificed her sense of losing him, over the fact that their inevitable separation, which will chance only years later, would end in more pain that they could take. But nothing is inevitable here. Everything can change. But she loves him. He loves her. And their families love them. The only fact that separates them is what the society had made, in an effort to glorify everything.

It may sound silly. But it’s a serious issue nevertheless. And the way it is now, all of these seem like impervious dykes they cannot pass. Of course, their love is strong enough to emotionally cut down such a barriers, which they have done long back, by falling in love in the first place. But as far as practicality is concerned, there are serious issues to be addressed. She is lost… he is lost. But they are two souls in love. It’s the future that’s uncertain, and it’s the society that’s the hurdle. They can’t be another Romeo-Juliet in all this, for they have grown out of that age-old romances long ago. But then, all this changes nothing. They are in love. They’ll always be in love. It’s the bond between them, that is too strong for any reason like this to break, but being a couple, to live their love with each other, seems so very far away. He cannot run from it like this forever, he knows. And she cannot stand the fact that it is what it is. They so badly want to be together. Each day they talk, they are drawn closer and closer to each other, and each second they don’t see or hear from each other, they tend to love each other more n more. This has landed them in a total complicated situation where they are in love; they want to be with each other, but at the end, after all this (they think) they know it will not happen. How ironic life turned out to be!

radicalshit.

At times you think you know a lot of things. But then those are times… just times… at the end of it, you blandly realize the fact that You are more wrong than How wrong you expected yourself to be. Human relationships are like human beings. They are never certain, Hollow at times, and at times, totally reason-void. Now with my rep-sheet, you might be wondering if this is one of those posts, but no, This is a totally different one. I assure you that part at the least. But then to come to think of it from the surface itself, you can see crystal clear to where I’m going. Okay, lets cut the intro part on this one to only this much.

In my 19 years of life, I’ve met a lot of people. But then to come to think of it, only few remain as constants, both in the case of friendship and in the case of acquaintances. o which point I’ve realized that, there are some people who we meet, and when we come in contact with them, we somehow know where we are with them. It’s not like a normal relationship building thing, where the first impression, or the lasting impression decides everything. To those people, There is no need of the “impressing them” part. All they are interested is in your true self, and vice avers.

It’ll be so damn clear about where they stand in our lives. There’ll be no confusion, there’ll be no “That’s Complicated” terminology and there will be No answer for the question… “What is your relation with him/her?” Of-course, we come up with satisfactory answers for ourselves n unsatisfactory ones for the general people, who seem so hollow in their WYSIWYG attitude. But then at the end of the day, Impressing the crowd doesn’t matter, until unless you are some celebrity with a decent fan following.

Here is where I confess. I’m smart enough to know what people think of me, and even smarter enough to know how to ignore them. But then, the only thing that pains me is the fact that the people I ignore think I’m totally clueless about the shit they are throwing at me. Yeah, I know the whole idea of my ignorance is ironic, but then That lil fact, I just cant ignore.

Now to the practical part. To be honest, I’m just 19 and I don’t want to think about my future love-life. Of-course, I’m a lil concerned about my education n all, but then I don’t mix n drive… Its only when someone asks you in the face about the former, will you realize you are at a total baseless point. That time, I choose to ignore reality altogether and warp to my dreamworld. And that’s how I’m still together, in one piece.

From a point where there is no reason, why do we always have to drag ourselves to a place where you have to justify your past, present n future? And even worse, is it even worth it? Why can’t we just dream on, follow our own instincts, n get there when we get there. I’m siting an example: Why are we so worried about the prospective relative conflicts that may occur from some marriage that may happen some 6 years later(definitely not hoping for it), when we are totally in love with each other? Is it even a reason to move on, by stopping what is going on strong, and without any particular reason, just because there’ll be some shit happening if whatever happens the way we are postulated? “If” “What If”.. Are these words totally deciding where we are going? And the worst part is, due to all this shit, we try to make up reasons for which there are no reasons. “I don’t know. I love you so very much. But then at the end of it, We both know it wont work out. And at that point, we would have grown real close to each other like inseparable souls. And if we try to separate us then due to this reason, we may both be ending up in disaster n pain… So lets move on… But then I miss you.” Maybe its my shit attitude towards practicality and “If” at times, but can anyone explain to me why I should do whatever that’s supposed to be done, rather than do what I want? Can’t I ever do what my heart feels like? Why should I let my fcking brain override the shit outta it? Maybe we’ll hurt ourselves if at all it comes. But then Why can’t we love each other till it chances, if at all it comes to that point in the first place?

Ohkay… this is one way of seeing it. But it’s not always this relationship that’s in question. Various others too. Why should practicality ever ruin what is good now? And Why are we letting it ruin it and our happiness? When did all of us become so self-centered, to only think of ourselves in the future? Why can’t we make our dreams, both emotional and the rest as our goals, and try to achieve them, for which we have to be successful in the first place.

What I’m trying to say is… Why can’t we extend our dreams beyond the materialistic bit, ’cause suppose we reach all that we dream of like that and achieve all of that, wouldn’t there be something still missing? Why cant we prioritize those things, so that we’ll jump the hurdles n reach there, rather than making the second last hurdle the finish line? This was one message “Love Aaj Kal” gave, beyond the surface plot n message. And almost every soul missed it. Hope you got what I wanted to tell you from this panoply of rabidness.

Maybe it wont happen, maybe it can’t happen… Maybe you know that.

But then its still a “Maybe”…

angeleyes.

I was born a pessimist. It was quite natural… even though I was the elder one, I had realized long time back, that I would grow at a real slower pace than my younger blood, and soon he would be all over me one day. Seems like that time has finally arrived. We guys always had our fights n all, but then there was this level of difference between us, which were the reason for most of those really crude action packed fight-sequences…but as he bridged the gap between us, sometime along the line, he became an equal, and now a maybe more mature guy, we started getting along real well. But then, that’s what I always wanted. I was never an elder-bro material. Look at me!! I’m still a kid, acting more on instinct than intelligence.

All these above not-so-relevant-to-any-of-you lines are to stress my first point: And I know that the pessimist always stays in me. I always expected the worse, but instead of daring to face it, I ran away. And look where I reached now. Apparently nowhere.

I was so confused with my life, so disgusted with all that happened to me, and cursing each n everyone on the way, it had even come to that point where I doubted the absolute point of my existence. But then I met a more larger than life pessimist!

Her pessimism made mine seem like that of a salt molecule in the Indian ocean. But that’s precisely how she made me think differently. Apparently her pessimism forced me to view everything with a hope in it. It was not like the girl-trying-to-change-the-guy thing. She always respected my individuality, and I loved hers. But I somehow changed myself for her in an unconscious manner. I even got back to listening Hinder after a real long time! And I’m somehow enjoying the music as well!

♫♫ See!!! ♪♪

I was totally at the endpoint when I met her. She dragged me back up to my game, but I’m still that trashed low-life I was. So if she suddenly disappears one day… I just wont be able to bear it! Of-course she does give me hard times with her fail-proof pessimism when she totally narrates prospective  incidents that end in her death! And there were times when I even have my heart in my mouth!! Yeah, that was her alright! My bestEST friend till now and forever!

But even then at times my pessimism took over. It scared me for like the first time in my life! But then somehow she always used her charisma over me, and I would become this real toddler in front of her, and she like a sweet lady, would pour all that motherly affection on me. Soon I get saturated, and start crossing lines like any other arse-hole! At that time my brain reduces to the size of that of a mosquito, only to drink her blood, but she gave it willingly as well… which is precisely why I’m feeling all the more guilty now!

I always forget my place n screw things up big-time, especially with my totally perverted grey matter.   But after all that good that has happened to me in the past two-three weeks, It seems I’ll hit the block soon. God, I’ve never asked you anything in this world till now… If you are up there,  can you just do something to help this buddy of yours out, please? Something like, tadah! and every-thing’s okay… something like that? ‘coz if things go the way that I fear it will be, then soon I’ll fall. This time, into oblivion, to somewhere where no-one can ever again get me back from. Athu sambhavichaal pinne vverum bore aayirikkum. And All her work will go waste, and that’s the last thing I’ll want now.

Knightfall

It is to be understood that this is not meant to be read. It’s just my feeling, and me as a whole, just trying to move on. I have no one else in this world as close as this for its patience to hear everything I have to say. vending my feelings and sharing it with my close friend, my blog, is just because I can find sleep in atleast some of the sleepless nights.

***

My life changed a lot in the past 12 months. I just don’t know what happened, but then I don’t think the transistion went well. Now I’m stuck in this penumbra of nothingness, trying to attain the halcyon condition I had been 365.25 days ago.

Apart from the 50-something pals at school, who I miss a lot, I had some friends who were kinda close, as it was safe for me to point them out as my ‘very good friends’. But then I was too dumb then, acted on impulse rather than intuition. And I routed this blog to a whole new level. I was writing fiction from the very beginning, from 2006 onwards. But that were posts everyone related too, and so was thought to be real. Then like every average teenager, girls came and went, and one such stuck with me, as my dear friend.

That time I was writing about a girl I used to admire in Maths classes. It was pretty obvious to everyone that I was writing my mind off, rather than constructing fiction, a way to attain attention, as sex, girls, love, and words like fuck, shit, cunt all make people hold on to the posts for a little long.

That time it was all about the hits, the no. I was getting per day on this page. I closely related my life to this blg, and slowly without realising the gravity of it, lost myself to it. But I never mentioned anyone’s name in the blog, and it was written as a first person narrative.

I was never a ladies man. Neither is now. I just had 1 friend, and thats it. But just because I wrote all that up, many people, everyone who had the slightest of intentions to play with me, got into the driving seat, to point out who I was writing about, It was their one and only guess, as there weren’t much options on that. A dude with a friend, who is loathed about by others, then that dude writes something up in a blog about a girl, then you knows where it all points out.

People say shit most of the time. I’ve grown up hearing shit from everywhere except in my family. An inferiority complex built up carefully and slowly by the years, but was wearing off with her help. Even if she didn’t talk much, her brief company was ebough for me to feel that I was someone. But then little did I know the blog was to be read by every single motherfuckin sons of bitches! I thought it would just exist something as unimportant as my life till then.

Surrounded by gossips from a very young age, I started to ignore them, and just nod to every thing directed at me. That usually worked, as it soon died out. But this one only got worse, and honestly, I didn’t see it coming. If I knew the outcome then I wouldn’t have been writing in this page since last year.

I always blamed myself for all this, my plethoric ego playing over me. And after a year, it never died out. I still can’t get over myself. This is one permanent dent in my life, and on my self esteem, which is close to nil now.

I used to love me, loath myself… but now at times, I feel disgust for my being. Yeah, Its easy for everyone to say “Get over it, move on”, et cætera, et cætera, but then loss is just too much It was a big price I had to pay.

Honour is something I lost in front of her. The only thing I ever had as mine. Honour. Now I don’t. Now whatever I did after that is another story. Losing a friend just like that, is more painful that angering. I cried, yes, I did, alot. But then How could I ever express that outside, so I vent it all out through Anger, somethingthat was like a beast in me. My bane, my temper, it released like hell, rained on my blogposts, making matters only worse. And I always wished for a panacea for everything. But then I broke the threshold, her trust, and her friendship, and my honour.

Now everything I do is taken either as my inability to move on, or my move to attract attention and get famous, or just my fucking attitude problem. But then, has anyone ever cared to find out how I have felt. I am also a human being in full, with feelings and insecurities. I was never the better one. I always tried. I still try. But then she hates me. I may have changed her status by all this, but she was in the good light, is still now, and is still loved by all in the same way she was then. But then I cannot heal her wound, and every new thing is taken as another cut infected by me on that same wound. And I have lost my right to ask for forgiveness.

Yes, it’s been a year. I lost my self, my ability to form new friendships, my will over my body(lost about 10 kilos, and gained nothing), and my piece of mind. A feeling of how I suck more today builds up every new morning. I have lost it. That very blow to my friendship cost me the whole world, my whole world…

Finally a STORY!!

Being appointed as the respected technical counselor at a Construction firm, soon came the day when the firm shifted us to one of their huge villas, in their township project. The Villas were gorgeous then, and now after some 5 to 6 years they are still looking good. Whatever the case, My mom still is active in the housewives’ club and as an engineer, which eventually landed her the role of the chairperson or something like that at the township planning whatever panel. And dad is going good with his passion of teaching, having a class a day. Anyways, just when everything was going way too well in my life, that a new family bought a brand new villa in the township, a minute walk from mine. The beauty about this was that my bro was its architect, and me the executor of the project. We were all too excited about our first combined work being bought, so we set off to see them. But more than us, it was mom who was too excited for the new induction into the housewives’ whatever, who was the one to take the initiative.

So, I drove over to the place, parked the ride in front of the new villa, and juggled the keys to my bro. It was our usual thing…if we go somewhere together, we both drive. And so just as we unhitched the SUV, my mom spotted the family rush up the villa entrance. I don’t know what happened but impulsively as it seemed, my mom rushed up right after them, and like in the old days, she trip n fell. This time she twisted her ankle. Great. As we helped mom to the car, the family heard the fall, and some of them rushed out. And that’s when I saw a familiar face in the owner’s wife. It was her mom!

As I escorted my mom to the SUV, she made it clear that one of us will have to stay back to tell the family whatever we were going o tell. And she insisted. And after assuming who all will be inside, I had no intention in staying back. But then bro already got himself seated on the wheels. So it was me after all. I walked back to the villa. This time though… it was an all too different feeling. It was just like good old college days. I could feel the adrenaline pumping up and touching my throat through my heart and stomach.

The owner and his wife were already out, and so It was easy for me to guide them to the lawn and show them the view from the back. After an hour of pointless cautious owner-builder talk, we went into the house, and for the first time, the thing I built up like my baby felt alien to me. The walls, the fittings, the cornice work, everything seemed to look like strangers. But then soon enough I was saved by a phone call, They had to rush to pick up someone who eventually got lost in a 5 km long array of identical villas. So before anything explosive happened, I rushed to the door right after they left. But then, someone ran in to me from the back, and hugged me real tight. And I stopped.

So many images flew past right in front of my eyes that spilt second. And then I heard her voice. “I missed you… I missed you too much…” With that the hug tightened. Her voice was way sweeter than the last time I heard it. And comforting too.Then finally after some time, I turned myself towards her. It had been some thirteen odd years, and now after all this time, she was as beautiful, and elegant as she was then. Maybe more. But she was in tears. And somehow I didn’t think much. I wiped them of gently from her smooth round cheeks, and helped the hair strands that had elegantly kissed the frontal part of her ear lobes…

And then, just as instantaneously as the whole episode went, she kissed me… just like that. That was too much turbulence for me. After all those years… I thought, and suddenly, all I could think of was her, just her… I landed my lips gently on her cheeks…then around the lips, under the neck…

Soon we found ourselves mouth to mouth… so comforting was that feeling, that sudden quenching blow to every kind of thirst, to every shortcomings, and contentment filled my eyes soon enough. And after so many years, tears ran down my cheek to moisten the intersection of our lips… It was pure…

“Diddi!!”, came the call from the room above. It was her sister. We hastened ourselves out of the osculation. Just as timed as it was, my phone rang. It was mom. So without saying anything I rushed outside to my villa to my mom…

***

Her Backfire

Foreword: No, Its not Fart.

So After all that has happened all the years, our dear fellow, now really sadistically stuck up in his sick life, decided to give RT a call. He wanted to make it a totally private affair. Well the call that is. All these years, he got the publicity thanks to the creative geniuses in the form of his friends, who would cook up super soap dramas, to which The poor chap would nod yes. To tell the truth, the nodding was the one that created the problem. Eventually the ‘nodder’  or Noddy was accused of making the soap scripts up as well, finally that too gulped with blindfold by the heroine of the scene, RT, who picked up the fight, made Noddy to tell her what she was to her, and when she heard it from his own mouth, truly pissed his ass off. What a waste of typography!

Yes, and so, he called. Just said one word. Sorry. then he paused for something, a grunt I think, and then he disconnected.

Days passed without much effect. But that helped Noddy boy a lot. Mainly to forget RT altogether. Meaning the ‘to be girlfriend’ type resume he created in his restricted private universe.

Now Noddy had a pal who was with him for more than 13 years. Lets call him Snoop Dogg.And He also used to do all that Noddy did, and more. Now in the amazing turn of fate, Noddy ended up in a college somewhere north, and Dogg and RT, in the same colege in the same class. Funny no? And now Dogg has called him, to ask him about the call. Noddy was first disturbed at the question. He wanted this NOT to surface at all. But it did. And only one source. RT. But what made Noddy piss off so much is the fact that Snoop was the one to call him, to ask. What the fuck! To hell with friendship! “macha macha” has a value, which “AAAh! give it to me, will you do this for me? will you do that?” doesnt have. Somewhere someone lost the difference.

Further investigation by Noddy into the matter saw very disturbing outcome. There were more involved. And the matter was a point of discussion in the college canteen! What the fuck!! That’s a degree of shit Noddy never expected. And now Noddy feels good that RT had gone, because, as many events have said, echoed and shouted at Noddy, It wasn’t worth it. IT just wasn’t worth IT.

Backword: To hell with it!!! It is… I meant Fart.

****

disclaimer: RT, Snoop, Noddy are fictitious characters in a fictitious plot. So try and understand the Fictitious nature of the post.And respect it.

*****************************

To tell you the truth… there’s just a lot happening in the world and very little afterward to comprehend it all.Now you all might be thinking why I’m starting it all over again. Well… about two weeks before, I put down a rather unimportant poll, and expected some results from an truly incipiently evolved crowd of readers I have. And watcha kno!! The results are scintillately accurate to my calculations. And yu can view them by clicking the results. Now I want a smart ass crowd to read my blog, honestly, and I cant tell you where the links are every single time.To eschew my blogposts completely as bull-crap is normal. But then which ass cheek of yours hurts when reading my posts, come on, seriously? What the fuck did I write here to offend any of you??

As I’ve stated earlier in my sempiternaly long list of disclaimers about the fictitious characters I make up, and those which resemble them to be cast by you all as my prey..come on..pure bullshit!! Get a life will you?

And since my conditions were not rudely met, I’m going to do just what I preached!!! TOTAL ANARCHY <insert evil laugh here>. Will insure itself in stages. So just look out for more characters that resemble you all!!!!

To those perverts and retards who think resemblance is just too much:

Try not to copy my characters. Please!

*****************************

Sorry.

Sorry.

I’ve been understanding the language of the world lately, and thus, I believe I have started to listen to my heart, and to believe in the omens the One has to give me.

And so, My heart tells me to ask for forgiveness. I know its too late. But then you know the saying…

So

…for everything…, Just please forgive this soul. I have learnt it the hard way. But then I’m happy now that I’ve learned to understand, or better, to begin to understand the Language of the World.

…

…okay… now I feel better… I think…

READ!!

I may sound a lil desp at the moment for some, but then I don’t give a fuck either!

My 18th V-day was a waste of precious time. Or maybe something did happen so important in my life… but then it’s totally irrelevant at this moment by the way things stand. Yeah RT is back… and she is really mad… at me. after some 4-5 hours with me in proximity, all I got was frequent dangerous stares, and two or three rude single word replies…

Lucky me… no?

Yeah yeah… I know, “oh damn! don’t start off with that again… I’ve been hearing it for a year now”, but then whatever you say, I am about to justify my stand, and I will too. Did I mention the part where she called me up and “threatened” me, and forced me to discontinue my writing. (That was utmost dumb, now that it on the page, even if anything happens, I can clearly point out at someone…) But then, then it was decency, that’s why the character RT took a break from the First person Stories. But then withall that, I learned a thing. Girls can be real selfish at times. And they don’t usually daw a line between “pampering” love and unconditional love. Well, fuck! leave it… Why the fuck am I starting it again. But then she could have at least looked at me as if she knew me, just remotely, as if ‘I’ve seen that chap somewhere’ type. Even with too much problems lately, keeping my decency so that she won’t feel like that, that was the stupid thing I did. Could have asked her face to face, but then fuck! leave it. I am a dude typing shit over the net to woo a friend back. Yeah, in a really stupid position now. Laugh laugh… laugh till your balls fall off!!

Why does even remotely think that I am after her? Well, come on… don’t blame my writing. Yeah, well kinda it was my mistake, elevating some girl who lives on the other side of the city, from a beautiful kind villagewaali-jeysi ladki to some higher being I hate right now. From what it was then, to what it is now, my perception of a good girl never changed… girls changed though.

I hate to be in a fuckin position where I fall off the edge. And I hate being hated.., that too for at one prick of time attaching myself emotionally to the subject! What a fuckin concept! How can I ever treat every good looking intelligent girl as my sister?? What do these girls think of themselves? priced posessions ulla ahangaram? That goes to some of the Kottayam girls as well. When I get interested in any one of you, I’ll notify it ASAP, even if its by mail, or by phone. Till then, please for-fuckin-hell’s-sake, just remove the notion from your fucked up heads that you are all angels n shit, n this poor me is after you all. Go get a fuckin life!!

And for all those bitch-babes who think getting a ’sister’ position from me, so that they can very well avoid the assumed potential danger, forget it. Being my sister is one of the hardest jobs in the world. My dear sisters know it. And however you try you all won’t even qualify for my sister’s sandal heel position. It’s just so because, my behnas are the most special people in the world for me. So don’t even fucking think about getting there and ruining a rather high benchmark. You people are too primitive to even take the first step, so forget getting there…

Did I mention that when I paint or sketch, the end product only goes to the most special ones, if one never reached you, then it’s likely I’ll forget your name the very next day, and if you already have one, better make sure you get a continual series… ’cause if you aren’t, it’s all your fault…

The fact is that…

… I am not in a craze of making friends. Qualiy, not quantity.  My dear ones, who ‘know’ me, are  still with me, and they’ll be there sempiternally, so just don’t get worried about my ’social image’…and…

… You see… at the end of the day, I know what I want, and I know what I am. I’m just THAT DAMN Good. And the best part is, I’m fully aware of it too.

Now Playing:  “Oh My Friend…” [Mickey J Meyer, Happy Days(2007), Malayalam & Telugu]

Change.

This year is the year of change. Yep, and it’s already started, that too, with the greatest advocate of change, President Barack Obama. I hope the Americans’ll get something good for their country under him. And from all that media, with so many artists supporting him, it’s presumed that it will also strongly affect the media industry, of which the initial stage has already started. I respect that great man for whatever he is to bring to this world. Since, he doesn’t need any advice on anything, I’m pretty sure America will come up “culturally” after all.

Enough US talk already. Now lets talk about India, where there’s a state called Kerala, and a city called Trivandrum. Here’s where I stand, and my life revolves around this small fast growing city. Well, for the past 5 months, It has started to extend to a small town about 160 km north of Trivandrum, called Kottayam, but my mind, my loyalties, and everything I hold dear are still here.
Hmm… so that’s about it. So what was special about this week…aah! yeah.
So, yet another Valentine’s day passes, my eighteenth one to be precise. And yeah, you guessed it right… I’m still Single. In my life, with things like Shell, Unix and its successors, Need for Speed, GTA, Counter Strike, There’s hardly any time I can devote any part of my mind to “impressing” the girl. To me, as I’ve learned, it’s the sure waste of precious time, with dangerous side-effects, the major ones being losing a good friend, and a final product…a girl with too much ego n attitude, that almost tops the Eiffel tower.

There are times in life when at a point, just due to a negligible span of time when an immature thought builds up, that’s when everything goes wrong. And so it has.
Having a good friend for two long years, and then suddenly just like that, she turns to see me as someone who used her, that’s punishment. It’s been almost a year since that punishment started, but to be optimistic, I really thought that would go. But then yesterday, on Valentine’s, My fears just got realized, yet again. If total ignorance wasn’t enough, the frequent stares killed me…almost.

To be honest, I hope I could rewind time just to stop myself from doing what I’ve done. It’s not losing a girl, that pains. It’s losing a good honest friend. She was a Friend first, and something else only later… and I regret the ’something else’ part, very much. Still I hope it all changes one fine day, still expecting one more call.

I’ve started to believe in the secret of  life. When you want something seriously and from your heart, the whole world conspires to help you achieve it. Hope I get my friend back.

In Memorial

Epitaph:

“Aloha everyone! my love is dead!

I’m happy, You still look exactly the same.

But dear, You were never for me to tame!

Fallen to my Blue Screen of Death she was…

Never did she realize the love I had.

So Die Die Die!! Hastalavista, baby.“

So this article is in memory of my (once upon a time)favourite girls, my ex-girlfriends. Let me be honest with you people on this one. You can’t actually call them ex-girlfriends. I’ll tell you the reasons too. The whole point of me writing this down is of 2 to 3 to several reasons:

• None of them ever told me they love me.
• All of em (almost all) have told they hate me.
• One even threatened she would sent a quotation team to sketch me.
• I have a habit of forgetting unimportant people in my life.
• I would have recalled them, but they are too unimportant.
• I have turned psycho, got a negative number of hugs n kisses.
• And above all that, I am living my goddamn 19th year of my existence, and am still a fuckin virgin!

So, before I forget them, let me type it down. Fancy me! I’ve already forgotten their names!

OK, lets start. So, there was me in the beginning, then 3 girls came into my life. Okay, I admit. Even though I’m pretty sure its three, I can only remember two of them. That too barely!

Lets start with the second girl. I was 16. We were at the same tuitions. I was in the 10th grade. She was one of girls my sweet Rakhi sis used to hang out with. And I fancied her. Kinda. Well, after seeing her wear shades of Orange almost every day, we used to call her..ahem…Orangie!! I know its a stupid name, but who gives a fuck? Oh damn, I forgot a lot of detail, but then, enter her big bro, mafia style big bro, one day I got enough courage to ring her up, but to my dismay, and fear, that guy picked up the phone. Yeah, I gulped a lotta stuff that day, and had to assume the role of a bakery salesman who had actually phoned the wrong house. Then there were two of my best friends after her. So Line CUT CUT. End of Story.

Then enter the seductive dance queen. The Anushka Sharma of my life. But truly immature. The reason she broke up with me(Acc. to her, we were never joined actually…teehee!): Well, because the same filmy dialogue “I’ve never seen you in such a way, you are like a good friend, but not a…” played itself before me too. But I had high hopes. Still she needed a reason to keep me outta bay. She found that successfully in a character of my earlier blogs, and blamed that it was her. That was kinda sad, you see. I made that character up even before I met her, and way before we became kinda friends. And so we argued, she went hyper, started swearing at me one fine day, and so I closed the deal by displaying 20% of my vocabulary on her messenger screen. Last I heard of her was when she finally rang me one one fine day to ..ahem.. threaten me. “We aint related anymore, we never were! and I don’t want to see or hear my name anywhere on the net, understand? Okay” So…End of Story! Bye Bye.

Now lets reason it all out, lay it down on bed. And just point out what I gained n lost, in the whole melodramatic panoply of events…

• I lost my respect for the feminine kind. The only woman I respect now is my Mom.
• I screwed up my 10th board exams with a shitty 82%.
• Even though I managed to score a 90% in 12th boards, I screwed up all my engineering entrances, big time!
• I lost my blog popularity, since I thought stopping the writing would better the situations. That never happened.
• And so I am now in a college which never even featured in my nightmares.
• Due to the first point, I now have a bad-ass image all over college.
• It took me kinda like 6 months or so, from May last year, for me to recover from all this bullshit.
• I have learned to live for myself. I don’t smoke, nor drink. I just want to live now, just for myself, not for any shitty girl, just for me.
• I have learned not to trust anyone, especially Cunt-carriers!
• Now since I’m back, mastered all the courage, and not directly addressing any bitch by name, and as I have published this, I don’t care about the consequences. To think of it, What fuck more could happen?
• I got a lotta new pals.
• I love my unimportant self right now, since I don’t have to give a fuck about anyone!

So to end it. I just have to say a few things.

I am back. This time I am really really bad. I will reincarnate this site and restore this earlier glory, and make it way better. But I promise all the identities will be safe, and I would just start writing stories with some characters and my imagination-built incidents, and it would not have any resemblence to anything, or anyone living or dead. Even after all these idiotic disclaimers, if anyone comes in my way, Its a sure bet that not only will they find themselves revealing their true selves in the very next post, they will also find whatever they did(or whatever they plan on doing) being published in any place in this Web 2.0.

Hope that would be enough for ya idiotic minds. For sensible arseholes, here’s another one. I am extremely Not sorry for whatva part of this blog that offends you. Since I have stopped publisizing this page, you have a fucking choice. i.e. If you think its sickening you, Why the fuck do you bother to read this “retarding” shit!? There’s always the address bar or the ‘Close tab’ button. So Fucktardy!

So, I just hope this new year, a nice one, with fewer foolish fucktards to add a psychopath like me to their ‘People to splatter before I die’ list. And more important people to add to my list. All depends on the success of this blog. Cooperate and reap the returns!

Happy 2009!!

Caio.