Thirteen years have gone by and still one problem always gives me the blank ‘??’ in my mind.
An ambiguity, a disadvantage, a very big handicap as I consider it to be, my very lack of good selection of friends. From the deepest array of a pool of boys, the selection is very difficult. The major problem is that you need to stick with them for about atleast two to three years to know them clearly. The only problem I had was that I failed even after a long 12 years.
Now…at the end of my school life, barely twenty more days remaining, I see everything backfiring. I believe I have helped each and every one of them when they asked for it. Now, all I see is the hand that I willingly put forth has bent and has come back to slap me right in my face…Ouch!
For the past 13 years, I have been in the same school, with almost thirty boys in the same class every single year. Each year, a new friend, but it only came at the cost of another.
In Loyola School, there is this thing… if you choose him as your friend, you are bound to be stuck to him for like twelve more long years. When in the mid-teens, girls have come in and out. They have made it even more difficult. Many friends split because of the same girl. Many had deep cuts that will remain for like some more years. The most f**ked up thing is that the closer you are to a friend, more is the tendency for them to turn to you one day and laugh at you…right into your face.
The same thing is happening now. Now that only twenty more days remain for everyone to part ways… some of our close buddies have decided to leave a mark on each other. Shocked was I when I recently found out that I was in the “People to kill before I die” list of about thirty boys in my class of fourty seven souls.
And now that I have come to realise that my ex-best friends are in the forefront, I am forced to change myself. They always enjoyed me in ruins. Sensitive as I am, they made it their advantage. So Cold I am bound to become for the rest of my days, as they have forced me to be. They always had my help and if I lend more of that which they think as service, it will be so that I’ll become the fool. I always wanted my ‘good and calm’ self to blanket my darker self, but they have forced me to tear it off!
Now that it is bound to happen, I am totally in the zone and waiting for it, hoping I’ll live upto it to face it or to evade it.