Wherever both ends meet

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D.I.S.C.L.A.I.M.E.R.
This is yet another piece of work that may invoke all types of stuff in some certain enlightened souls. But then, since I didn’t kill any domesticated or any endangered or any free animal of any kind to put these words together, I fear nothing. Therefore, I don’t give a fuck of what you think!! Sad!

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B.t.w., this is the sequel to ‘THAT BETTER HALF’, so I suggest you get a hold of those wordings first by scrolling down to an article I jotted down while I was a kid!
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Chapter 1: PAUSE, TEA N TOFFEE

I look down on my new polished teak table. 150 ml of strong hot tea stands near in a majestically decorated sky-blue cup and underneath it, a tissue which, with all its might, is preventing even the slightest drops of brown tectin filled soupy liquid from reaching the surface of the teakwood. Right beside the cup of tea stands a rather big 1.5l ‘Aquafina’ bottle filled with crystal clear oxidane, the one I filled last night just before seeing ‘Sweeney Todd – The Demon Barber of Fleet Street’ for the umpteenth time. The Chelsea Toffees on the table smiled at me while the Batman Collectible topped with my Contacts book gave me a slightly disturbing grin in the dustiest way possible. To think of what I am now, a major, an eighteen year old basking in the beam of all that supposedly huge “glorifying” adulthood. Yesterday was that important day, the day I switched sides with my identity. But I am just pleased and happy that my bestest pals were with me to celebrate the day with me.

Dramatic Pause. I start sipping the tea as I go on writing down this particular sentence.

Mhmmm… Strong Tea… Half over, half full now.

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Chapter 2: I LIVED EIGHTEEN YEARS!

It’s just hard to believe the disturbing as well as satisfying fact that I, for one, lived for eighteen years in this planet called Earth in this god-forsaken galaxy!! These 18 important years of my life showed me the world, an introduction, a brief one though. It taught me many things, also made me forget many things too. Many Mistakes, many tries, many resolutions, many promises, many realizations…

But then the last days as a child were bitter. Very bitter indeed. Yes, it was a girl, it is always a girl, come on, face it! It needs to be a girl! Then even, never did I think that such a thing would fall upon me. All such egoistic beliefs just shattered in nanosecs. Come on, I was damn sure that when I fall in love or something like that, it would be in style. This one lacked all the panache my ego made up for. Yea, the God dude definitely had his bit of planning put into action.

Sip, sip,… Tea over. Khattham! Finished.

I thought I had it all figured out, yeah, about women, just like Will Smith in ‘Hitch’. But totally, and obviously I was pretty damn wrong! I never had it in the palm of my hand. In fact, I never even had it in the blast radius of a MOAB (commonly known as Mother Of All Bombs, ask Wiki uncle) detonated in my head. It’s just a fact that no one will ever figure it out either! Oo! Surprise Revelations! Live with it.

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Chapter 3: WAZZUP BEEYOTCH!

Yeah people, the word of sorry didn’t work. The apology* was a failure. Yeah, it started off as a normal high school crush. Fate brought us to different places at the same time. So we talked, and talked just enough. Only educational bullshit. Nothing less, nothing more. But whenever she talked, I honestly felt she wanted to run away from the convos or something. Seriously I felt like that too. But then, I never bothered to show it up to her. Neither did she run off. Maybe it was a show of guts, or of panache, or a ‘Tashan’ show. And then we had Orkut and Messenger (yeah Y!, what else?). Used to chat from mornings till 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Then we finally stopped by saying we had to go for lunch. But then I had my lunch in the meantime, taking it to the PC. Maybe she did the same. Even in a full stomach I used to say goodbye for lunch. God knows why.

She never asked me anything. Neither did I tell her anything. But then it was pretty fuckin obvious, there was a friendship beyond the computer, beyond the ADSL cables. I felt so. She said she was comfy with ADSL data transfer than analog signal transfer over the phone. Damn Y! Messenger. I wanted it to go to the real world, not end like some stupid avatar in ‘Second Life’. And then one fine day, she put a question before me, and she wanted it answered, over the net!

RT: “Eda, Tell me truly and honestly, what am I to you?”

Me: “Excuse me?? Why such a question?”

RT: “I’ve felt it was something more than friendship, yours towards me…so tell me da…”

Now if a girl asks so nicely, I always like sticking to the truth, and so I did, explaining the relation from a high school crush to a friendship, and how such a friend brought smiles in my face. Big Mistake. That was it. Case closed. Done. It was over.

RT: “Da…I’ve heard stuff from your friends, and I am not happy. I have many friends as boys. I regard them as just messenger friends or orkut friends.”

Me: (thinking)[Ok…so that’s what I am. A shit filled virtual avatar with an A.I. sweet!]

RT: “You shouldn’t have said stuff about me, I’ve heard stuff from some of your pals.”

Me: “If you trust my friends more than me, I can’t help it.”

RT: “You should understand. You are egoistic, and it’s your attitude, that’s the reason why your pals do like this…”

Me: [Sound of a Mixer Grinder and an Egg Scrambler working at the same time]

RT: “Bla…BLA…Bla, bla, bla, blaaah, blah bla….”

Me: “continue.”

RT: “Blalablalablalabla…”

To think I’ve never felt so bad in front of a digital device before. Now I lose my temper very easily, but at that time, somehow I didn’t lose it. I felt paranoid one sec and numb the other, but then a smile filled my face, which was slowly nearing the verge of breaking up. But then I didn’t. Somehow, for that instant no feelings came out.

Somehow I couldn’t believe anything. For the first time in my whole life, I was submissive, that too to a girl, and what did she do. She kicked me in the back of my head. I thought she was special. Sad shit! Disgusted I was, come on, I fell down on my knees for such a girl. I thanked my buddy God for telling me the truth of all the stuff before it was too late. And that thought made me smile. What a poor b? She tried to classify me as a good for nothing A.I. or a stupid avatar filled with all the shit in the world.

Aargh…where the fuck is my tea? My tectin, I want it now. I search the so seemingly empty cup as though I was some punk rocker wannabe searching for weed. Sad. Yes, there are some more drops. I empty it down as I finish this line.

*Refer “THAT BETTER HALF” 😀

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Chapter 4: MUSIC INDEED

Somehow, Coincidentally, ‘I Hate Myself For Loving You’ by Joan Jett plays in the background. It took me rather long time to realize the simplicity in all this shit. A complicated question of friendship, that’s what I thought. A fool I was. RT must be laughing as she reads this. But then I don’t give a fuck anymore. You just proved to me that you are a b too dear, and I am happy for you… 😀 Now, ironically enough, Queen’s ‘I Want To Break Free’ plays in the background.

RT: “Eda, see, that’s your problem.”

Me: “What??”

RT: “Your attitude, You take stuff to your heart”

Me: “Yeah <Question Mark>”

RT: “But I don’t.”

Me: [Good, so that explains your insensitivity, good!]

RT: “So, should we continue as Friends, simply good messenger friends?”

Me: “Ahem, since you’re deciding everything without any regard to me, I think it’s better you take the decision” [Quack! Quack, Bow! Bow!]

Me:[Was that a question? Go to Hell!! I don’t give a fuckin damn!!]

A strange lining of satisfaction fills my mind. Oh, now ‘Satisfaction’ by The Rolling Stones plays.

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Chapter 5: ENTER SANDMAN

Some lines:

 

That day I still recall

And she was half an inch away,

joking, talking;

I was paragliding…

.

Never I thought a second thought

and there I made my mistake

craving for attention was I,

Friends better strangers

shallow were they;

Everything felt so hollow.

.

She talked and joked,

and laughed and paused;

Never to me but I so saw

Sad but true…

.

Discotheque, I gave myself; yes,

not to love, to friendship it was;

And to think she thought

the things I never imagined

How bitchy can such a beauty

go to prove her point?

.

I watched in shame,

in disbelief; It was ego,

she said: A virtual, messenger

pal was I, nothing more

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It was my attitude, indeed it was;

But then there was a heart, mine

Why don’t they stop to think of

such a thing as feeling before

they with all that spirit

prove to be bitchy?

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I am a kind of guy who takes stuff personally and to the heart, but then in this matter I feel kinda insensitive. That’s the whole point of writing it down. I’ll tend to forget such an incident. Such a precaution is well needed, when in the future, I need to have something to show my supermodel wife and our daughter something that’s worth reading, my past. Aargh! Why do I keep elevating myself to the future!

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Chapter 6: ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST

So, That’s it. End of Story. That brings us back to the present. My “Major” Party was on the 16th, 2 days ago. All my buddies, Everyone came, almost everyone. I felt kinda good and happy. I am an Adult now! Whee, now I can get my hands on that Lambo Superleggera as soon as make enough money. But then there are other reasons to be happy too.

I’ve learned something new just before I turned 18. A lesson of life. A complicated one. It’s about friends and friendship. It’s about how everyone lives for themselves. It’s about being sensitive and insensitive at the same time. It’s about ego. It’s about attitude. It’s about not trusting a girl by her words. It’s about controlling oneself. It’s about the heart and about the mind. Strange revelations, the veils of the sly lady vampires stripped down to what they really are…never near a Dracula, just equal to bitches with wings, and some thought they were angels. Sad. Just happy to realize I’m a man now. Yeah, I am a man now. Period.

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8 Responses to “Wherever both ends meet”

  1. g-man Says:

    well, shit happens…its better not to take it to your heart. like they say, a loyolite does not need to go looking for a girl. and its true. i turn 20 next week. can’t fucking wait although i know it isn’t going to be any different

  2. Rahul M Says:

    aliya….it is too nice that u took the pain of writing a whole chapter for u having drunk half a cup of tea!!!(applause everyone!!)…but still….dude…cant u be a bit more realistic??…this shit…the retrospective….seems amazingly crap….but sorry….maybe becosz i am too insensitive or whateve bullshit….dude …u know me….and y do u take such things….a girl!!>..to ur hrt??…

  3. n i t i n Says:

    @g-man
    I didn’t go look for a girl. It was fate.

    @rahul
    man. i’m happy i have ppl like you readin my blog..
    btw, oru thettu ethu kumaranum kashmalanum therivuthendikkum pattum..adjust man, adjust.

  4. Merlz Says:

    “just equal to bitches with wings, and some thought they were angels”

    That was not a smart thing to say…just coz you were turned down by a girl you can’t go bitching about the whole lot…that just shows that you are whining/pining for her. If you are so happy for yourself now,as you claim with all the philosophy, then drop it. Live and let live, bro!

  5. mutatedgene Says:

    Mind ur words dude…Not all gals are bitches with wings!!! u called RT all these shitty words just coz she thinks u r not the right one!! getta life nitin!!! Go find another one!!

  6. n i t i n Says:

    @merlz
    i dropped it. this was the finishing move dear…
    its called tombstone-piledriver 😉

    @mutatedgene
    ahem….i don’t remeber calling everyone beeyotches, did I? after all, did I call anyone beeyotch?? It’s for them to decide if they are called beeyotches…after all there are many other girls, and they aren’t beeyotches, I totally agree…
    And, i’ll find another one, that I will… 😀

  7. n i t i n Says:

    i am very uneasy in posting such a comment, but to my amazement, some people are not talking the blog post in its spirit….(sheesh!! what am I telling!! damn!! I must be drunk!)

    first of all, i would like to thank all the readers who have supported me…and taken the blog as a piece of literature, thank you

    and to the others,
    i don’t care what you think! Read the fuckin disclaimer or just Fuck off!!

  8. buu Says:

    ede…vidaaraayille…??
    ede dont go find another one…..
    ellarkkum oru divasom ondaakum…ORU divasom…
    nee ippo ninte kaaryam nookku….penpillere vidu,,…
    avare ellam sisters ine polae kaanaan padikku,,..
    nee keettittille..all indians are my brothers nd ur sisters…appo U shud see them as sisters…:D
    nd btw…“Yeah, I am a man now. Period.”.,..athu ithiri ironic aanu/…


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