Me.

First of all, I’d love to congratulate each and every one of you. I really appreciate the fact that you took precious time from your very busy schedule to achieve this. But then let me just concisely put forth everything that you have achieved, and by everything, I mean everything.

Yeah so first things first,let me ask you something. Do you remember one Nitin SJ of I A, or at least II A, well…try to remember Nitin SJ, III A. Ah! Yes, you do remember Nitin SJ, IV A, don’t you? The “Junglee” cards incident. Yeah, I hurt an old man, a chap I respected, just because I am blind with rage. I hurt him, and you all enjoyed it like idiots. Made me a celebrity in a single day. Juniors got to know my name. Seniors found out my existence in this very mother Earth. But after that, do you remember Nitin SJ, IV A, V A, or atleast VI A? Yeah…I get it, You must me probably thinking…”All these years I thought he was in the other division! Oh, I think he is, because I don’t remember him in my class!!” Then when our dear chemistry teacher took over some History classes…” Oh yes! I remember him!! Nitin SJ, VII A”, that day I talked and talked. It was Rage, pure Rage! Yeah! You all enjoyed that shit too… Again, I gained overnight celebrity status. Aap sab logonke meherbaani!! After that you faintly remember me na…, Let me just remind you, I was in VIII B, then IX B. Oooh, you missed a person all those years. Sheesh! No, no, It’s not your fault, I never said it was. It was mine. And all those people who differ from that, Yeah, I thank you. You just sympathized on a ‘poor’ soul. I never asked for any sympathy, did I? Yeah X B, you remember Gameboy Advance, ooo! Real geniuses, unearthed great shit, and then christened me with a new name. Wow! Great!

Yeah! You can stop that now. Now listen to this. I bet all the money in my purse right now on the fact that you, not even one of you know me really. Yeah, You’ve never even bothered, right? Anyway, I don’t give a fucking damn now, so I’ll just say some stuff that you never even knew about me. So that you can stop to think on how you wasted your time making a fucking ass out of me.

I am Nitin SJ.

I don’t have any pet name. My mom and dad call me Nitin. My brother calls me Annan. My cousins who are elder to me used to call me ‘Luttu’, short for Luttappi. Now they also call me Nitin.

I have curly hair and I love it that way. But then I am always curious about what all I can do with my hair.

I know to sketch. I love to sketch girls. It took me 2 years to learn the body of a girl as a work of art. Yes, as a work of art, you just don’t have an idea how complicated it is to draw a girl in a perfect manner. I respect them, women….girls. They are a marvel in God’s creation. Just respect the fact how only a woman can give new life. They can be a mother, a sister, a wife, but most importantly, they know what pain is. Men don’t even have a clue of what they go through. Hats off to every lady I ever knew.

I am not an atheist. I believe in the Almighty. The only thing is I hate Religion, and blind faith.

I have a rage the size of Mount Olympus. If I ever was somehow genetically modified to release my rage in any form, I would be way bigger than the Hulk, way stronger, and I’ll hurt almost everyone in my path. But then my mind gets there real fast. The only good thing about it is that It gets over fast. When I get into that mode, I only see People, Idiots, Assholes, who all taunt me and make me feel so bad of myself. I never even give any consideration, what so ever, when I get into that mode. And wait, I’m way gorier too. But then I have a conscience the size of a Blue whale. My one and only weakness. I care too much. I rethink every single thing when I am about to splat that fucking dickhead’s head with my bare hands and then take his liver and stuck it up his four chambered heart, and then snip his fingers one by one and then grind it and push it down his Pharynx, when I am about to take whatever is left of his shattered skull and separate his jaws and then set the whole thing on fire. I just rethink. The only question that I couldn’t answer is “After I have killed this SOB, will Mom and Dad ever forgive me for what I’ve done with my life? Would I ever forgive myself?” Oh yeah…you might be thinking,”Yeah, yeah! I’ve heard this from many places many times.” But then dude, I’m fucking dead serious now, real fucking serious. Dead serious. If I ever answered, to my conscience, that question, in a satisfactory manner, I would have really kicked some asses and hacked some fucktards by now, and would have been living in a private island in the Caribbean, like a Godfather. But then you see, I never wanted such rage. I tried to control it, curb it forcefully. And I succeeded it seems. Now when I get mad, I write up some shit in a website, or get angry with someone for no good reason at all, or just talk and talk to my “so called Friends” not even minding anything I say. Seriously I don’t know any other way to do that. I try hard to control it. Made friends, tell them stuff, just silly stuff, so that they can have a laugh. But then, you see, not everyone is happy with my efforts. Actually no one is.

I am sensitive. I was always.

I never had someone as my best friend. I grew up quietly. I hated people doing stuff when they had all that to study at school. I just didn’t get the big picture. They said it was fun. I tried it. I felt it as a waste of time. So I resorted to reading comics, loads and loads of them. I fancied them. I always fancied every superhero. Then there was Television, I saw and saw, one Bollywood flick after another, from Guru Dutt, to Dev Anand, to Manoj Kumar, to Rishi Kapoor, to Mithun Chakraborty…that list is very long. Then Cartoons, more and more cartoons. And yeah, I had an imaginary friend too. She was a girl, who listened to me, my stories, who never talked back, but then I felt relieved every single time, I let all that garbage out. But then somehow, in a way I cannot recall, she left me, all of a sudden.

I love to dance. The only tamil things I saw in my childhood was Prabhudeva numbers. I love to shake it up. The only thing is I never ever danced in front of my classmates. Just shook a leg and gave a half wave at times when I felt so, but then I never felt so welcome to do that. When you dance, you need an environment, I never got that. Well, leave it…what’s the use of me saying that now!

All my life I wanted people to notice me. It was natural, I had a certain level of ego and some self respect. It was because I felt left out from the crowd every single time. What all shit I did for people to take a note of me, I feel disgusted with myself when I recall all that, that too for some retards to get to know that I am also one in their league. It’s sad, real sad. I never was a part of any group in my class. It was a big thing for me to join any one group of friends that time. I was desperate and no one was there. Whenever I ever talked to anyone, they ended up teasing me. I hated that. I simply hated that. I don’t know how many fucktards did that, but I know there were many. I always tried to fit in, but I failed. It dented my self confidence real bad. I stopped staging opinions. I stopped attracting the crowd to myself. But then no one noticed me. Reverse-psychology failed miserably. I had nothing to lose. So finally I ended up here, this way.

I am a simple guy. I trusted people very much. And I hoped my “friends” would stand up to me, for me, at least once. But no, instead they teased, made fun of me. Have you all ever thought about how I have felt? I felt cheated every single time. Yes, every goddamn single time. But then you guys wanted to have fun right? So, I never uttered anything against it, at least I thought I am making my dear “friends” happy. Yeah, tears are rolling down my face for no good reason now.

Arey, I went to Kollam and stayed there in a village area barely for 7 days. People respect people there man. They give respect, and get respect. I respected them. People don’t cheat yaar. They don’t find fault in someone and taunt them that they feel they ain’t any good. They respect people’s differences. They know how bad one may feel if they are teased. They are sensible. I’d rather live there that here. This place is bullshit!

Yeah, so congrats everyone, good job! What a productive time investment! I respect you people. If you ever come across a person that you get embarrassed when you mention him as your friend, then tell him right away. Don’t make him ruin his self confidence or his self image in any way. That the nastiest wound you can ever make. The dirtiest damage you can ever do. Yeah, yeah, you are always perfect and at the end of the day, it’s the other guy’s fault, na…

Why can’t I remember the last time anyone rang me up at home, or just texted me some good stuff, or just tell me about the movie the rest of the class is carefully planning to go. Do you remember? Yeah, I know, It’ hard na, no problem, you can swear at me instead. But I don’t get one thing. Why do you people talk shit behind my back. Is it that you ain’t got the balls to talk to my face eh?

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