is this…?

“Why can’t I see or hear something without ever relating it to me? Why do I always go on imagining myself to be complete…every single time. There was so much fun just looking at all the beauties, But why do feel guilty now everytime I look into someone elses’ eyes? Why do I miss myself so much? What happened? Why did I become so desperate? Why can’t anything satisfy me anymore? Why do I dream for someone else too, and not only for myself? Why do I even care? Why is my diaphragm aching when I’m typing this? I was tough, why did I ever break down in front of my TV? Why do I always keep seeing her, and why do I expect, every single day, that I’ll get her back? Why can’t I move on, forgetting everything? Why didn’t I? Why didn’t time heal anything? Why do I feel guilty and lost at the same time? What happened? Even after some 100 days, Why is this happening to me?” There goes another mind peak into the mind trashcan. I think I’ll have to take my trash out. It’s almost full. What all stuff do I think to kill time. Stupid goverment, taking all the time in the world to get us into college! Just barely five days before, I thought I had moved on n shit. But Kya Fayada? There’s a saying, atleast the paraphrase of the saying: “One who finds a blame, and laments about it, doesnt do anything, he just laments.”…but then in my case its like “I thought I would never get time, but then why does always time stop me? I’m not a barrier to myself! But wait! Will I get time? What should I do? Should I blame everything on the system? Or on the government? Why do I blame others, the fault is my own!” Sometimes I think, “Na..she was blind after all…she would never have realised what I felt..She always took it as a joke, she thought you were kidding dude! She doesnt deserve me or my affection!”..but then I feel guilty all of a sudden. It was my fault no? I ask myself. And viola! No Answer..beep beep beep! Now what should I make of this eh?

Is this how you move on? Was that love or just one hell of a roller coaster lesson God wanted me to learn ASAP? I was dead serious once. Real dead serious. But when I began facing the real world, the nacked reality, I saw, There’s no place for originals. But then at that time I was wrong. Society is pure bullshit. Individuality is all that matters. If you stay yourself, you stay Different. If you stay Different you stay Abused. If you stay Abused you stay Accused. If you stay Accused you stay Guilty. If you stay Guilty, you find a way, n bounce back. If you bounce back, you stay Tough. If you stay Tough, you’ll become a Man, and a person everyone will admire and every society will accept. That’s the difference between people who make it big and who wake up just because its another day!

My search to find myself is not over. And I hope it’ll get over soon. It should. It must. Only then can I shed my clown face.

Okay. thats about it…My mind’s juice is kinda over for now. What all stuff we think up when idle! Funny.


3 Responses to “is this…?”

  1. Sriram Says:

    What all stuff we think up when idle! Very true indeed! Get well soon 🙂

  2. gowri Says:

    ur mind’s juice… hehe.
    a rather unusual usage…neva heard it before…

  3. n i t i n Says:

    @gowri: yeah…like love juice n stuff….
    one thing I made up…
    never thhought that’ll attarct anyone’s attention though..

    neways I appreciate you droppin by…

    @Sriram: 😛

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