Chapter 4 : The Firefly
Well. Given the current state of events and the kind of feedback I’m getting, some of you, yes some of you think I’ll grow out to write something better and worthwhile to read one fine day. Duh! But hate to disappoint you folks, coz that just won’t happen. Not today.
Panacea. That’s the right word. Yep, that’s what you all want, that’s what everyone, the whole goddamn world wants. One word that solves everything; But I don’t think it’s going to end anything…anything at all… because it just isn’t good enough!
It all started at school. For me Loyola, my second home, the place I miss the most now. Yes, I’m a Loyolite for life, and proud to be one. Looking at the schooling I was offered, I should have been much more now, but then I would be totally in the honest of lights when I say Loyola made me. It developed me to what I am now. But to the dismay of many others and me, the development ended there. I couldn’t carry it forward. I’m trying to, desperately though.
Life was easy then. Way easier. No worries, no guilt, just Black n White awesomeness filling a campus with dry sarcasm to eternal friendships. Aah! From Crown caps to Football to ‘hack’ girls, it was a kickass journey; a dream lived, and so dearly missed. I wish I shouldn’t have had to grow out of it. Something, that remote something, that still keeps me going, are live memories of everything we had in these 13 years.
They feel so godly now, something unattainable; something that would never chance in this life span ever again. I was the one who usually had stories, a hell lot, most of ’em made up, to creative perfectionism that is. Now life feels less a fairy tale and more something that is absolute. Someplace, where worthless souls in even more worthless bodies are put there because they have to live, and not because they want to.
Life has become all too serious now. Responsibilities, Material aims, Conditional Bonds, yes, I’m beginning to see reality, and I hate it. Wish I could a rebel once more, surrounded by ‘friends’, a free out of control intellectual being donning the Black n White uniform, the one that made reality shrink into nothingness before its power. Wish I was in Loyola forever…