A New First Person Story : Friends with Benefits


Here a Heads Up DISCLAIMER for you. This is a Story. Like the rest of the FPS Series.




We make a lot of mistakes in life. Bad decisions, Judgmental errors, and so on. But it is when it comes back to you at a point of time where it should come back to you, that bugs the shit out of you. My life is like that. A plethora of crapping in the past has resulted in a recoil effect. And it is hitting me hard now.

I was never a loner. I never preferred such peace in my life. But then like they say, Nothing lasts forever. But in the long run, I have seen all my decisions were right, even though they looked totally out of place when that time frame actually chanced. But then, the guy who is always right isn’t the one who is always popular right? 😀

Also, I have come to learn that all this pyaar vyaar ishq vishq is bloody overrated. 4 years have been wasted on that. And when I look back, all I can see is that, Friendship stays, not this fancy-named bullshit. At the end of the day, judging by how close my friends are, the only difference between a relationship and an awesome friendship is that the aforementioned one has too much of sex and emotional baggage attached to it. In short, it is a pain in the ass.

“Friends with benefits” <- Nice term no? Even though it disgusts most of the community I was brought up into, I have come to respect it. Everyone has Needs, Necessities, Comforts and Luxuries. Friendship is a need. being a good friend is a Necessity. but then when you introduce benefits into the equation, it jumps the gun to luxury. No comfort zone is traversed in the process. But then, it depends upon what a sort of friend you are, or the nature of that friendship. But most of you will be risking a friendship when it comes to this. But then here is advice:

Your life is pointless without risking it. After you are done taking the risk, your life becomes even more pointless anyway. – The Hollow  Baba

So, we both were “Friends with benefits”. It so happens that we still are. It is funny how simple and term can be complicated to you and still be very simple to me. It all started as a normal Bollywood type Love Story, minus the crappy songs of course. She used to stare at me mad, and I used to enjoy it. We never knew each other then like we do now. We were just random strangers sexually attracted to each other.

And that was, so long ago. When our paths crossed each other after years, we had become acquaintances, then friends, and then pretty good friends. Thanks to the 6 degrees of separation thing. But then, what we had was much more than a friendship. You could never say we were “in a relationship”, because we were simply not. Now, you must be thinking that this is just Denial. But no, I am denying the fact that it is denial, so chuck your stupid grin off your face.

Now she, was this total wacko. 😀 A Joan Jett reincarnated. That awesome. Now, you tell me? How can I not have “feelings” for her? At first it was weird. Things seemed to be out of place. There were a lot of things that “the society” would call blasphemy. First of all we were both metalheads. Then, she was elder to me. And well, a guy who is 5 feet 6, normally never gets a girl that short you see. So that was that. And the other thing was that, we were dating two assholes on the other end as well.


Pic Courtesy : Getty Images dot Com

But things went all Dabangg when in a week’s time, we saw each other Single. And we still stay Single. Funny part is, none of us now cares to establish a relationship with anyone now. For me, a new girl has to be better than her to impress me, and for her, a new asshole has to be better than me. Which I think is pretty much not a possibility from how the world is going about now.

Besides the sex, and feeling pretty good when the other person is around, which is pretty awesome, this friendship has grown so mature that what most of you dreams about, like emotional freedom, and personal space, all exist here.

I guess that is it. All I can now say is Let’s wait and watch.

From the Diary of a Friend.


HollowBaba adds: I like the way this is going. They always seem so happy. Also, Thank you all for bearing with me for 5 years. :mrgreen:

So Here’s to Vote:




Vee are the World.


“And so there I stood, looking into the horizon. What I was searching for was the same thing I wanted in my life. A break. But then I somehow came to the horrifying conclusion that neither the horizon, nor my life would ever have that. It’s always continuous, and one event would lead to another and so on, just like the continual unending water meniscus before me. It has even come to a point where I have to test my mental integrity. But that didn’t happen till Vee said it. She said she loved me. I was shocked at first, but then under my brotherly figure, I wanted to hear that anyway. So in short, I was in relief that I didn’t have to feel guilty of my thoughts anymore. Vee was one girl who was always there in my life. She had a crush on me from the very beginning, and I just blew it with that brotherly dialogue of mine. I didn’t realize then, how I would have wounded her. But now I know… that was one deep cut in her. Vee won’t ever admit it anyway. But then when she said that in my face, I could see her eyes. They were strong, and they told me whatever she didn’t want to tell me. That is, she still is. But then, she knew all my stories. She used to sympathize, yet always compare her to whoever I fell for, and then draw a conclusion that she wasn’t that good. But reality was far more different. That’s why I wanted her to be always with me, by my side. But just like life’s stupid games, came a day, when I looked into her eyes, n saw that strength in her, that she mastered to tell me the truth, so that I may know it before it’s too late. But just right after, at that millisecond, she started doubting herself. That very instant, I realized I was the late one. And she had gone. Just like everyone else. Leaving me alone in this world. And now I’m staring at the deep blue ocean trying to derive the reason for my condition. May be I shouldn’t have told it. Maybe I moved in too fast. Maybe, it’s worth a wait, just like how the shore waits for the same wave to kiss it again…”

And so went his diary. I could see myself as one big asshole to read it. It was full of him and just him only. But I could see myself in it…in a way. Drifting away from the ones who loved you was always easy. It’s getting them back that was the pita. Wait! Wait a second! I know this Vee! That’s when I realized. It was her… It was her all along. My brother fancied her, but I hadn’t known. So stupid of me! OMG! They loved each other so much… and yet they parted. And everything else was just a lie, one big lie! Now I understand why they cannot face each other now… after all these years, they still are in love… Why big brother, how did all this happen?? How come you both aren’t together! How come you both punished yourselves like this! Why??

Maybe, life wasn’t that simple. I shouldn’t ask. But I must find out. So I turned to the next page…


Finally a STORY!!

Being appointed as the respected technical counselor at a Construction firm, soon came the day when the firm shifted us to one of their huge villas, in their township project. The Villas were gorgeous then, and now after some 5 to 6 years they are still looking good. Whatever the case, My mom still is active in the housewives’ club and as an engineer, which eventually landed her the role of the chairperson or something like that at the township planning whatever panel. And dad is going good with his passion of teaching, having a class a day. Anyways, just when everything was going way too well in my life, that a new family bought a brand new villa in the township, a minute walk from mine. The beauty about this was that my bro was its architect, and me the executor of the project. We were all too excited about our first combined work being bought, so we set off to see them. But more than us, it was mom who was too excited for the new induction into the housewives’ whatever, who was the one to take the initiative.

So, I drove over to the place, parked the ride in front of the new villa, and juggled the keys to my bro. It was our usual thing…if we go somewhere together, we both drive. And so just as we unhitched the SUV, my mom spotted the family rush up the villa entrance. I don’t know what happened but impulsively as it seemed, my mom rushed up right after them, and like in the old days, she trip n fell. This time she twisted her ankle. Great. As we helped mom to the car, the family heard the fall, and some of them rushed out. And that’s when I saw a familiar face in the owner’s wife. It was her mom!

As I escorted my mom to the SUV, she made it clear that one of us will have to stay back to tell the family whatever we were going o tell. And she insisted. And after assuming who all will be inside, I had no intention in staying back. But then bro already got himself seated on the wheels. So it was me after all. I walked back to the villa. This time though… it was an all too different feeling. It was just like good old college days. I could feel the adrenaline pumping up and touching my throat through my heart and stomach.

The owner and his wife were already out, and so It was easy for me to guide them to the lawn and show them the view from the back. After an hour of pointless cautious owner-builder talk, we went into the house, and for the first time, the thing I built up like my baby felt alien to me. The walls, the fittings, the cornice work, everything seemed to look like strangers. But then soon enough I was saved by a phone call, They had to rush to pick up someone who eventually got lost in a 5 km long array of identical villas. So before anything explosive happened, I rushed to the door right after they left. But then, someone ran in to me from the back, and hugged me real tight. And I stopped.

So many images flew past right in front of my eyes that spilt second. And then I heard her voice. “I missed you… I missed you too much…” With that the hug tightened. Her voice was way sweeter than the last time I heard it. And comforting too.Then finally after some time, I turned myself towards her. It had been some thirteen odd years, and now after all this time, she was as beautiful, and elegant as she was then. Maybe more. But she was in tears. And somehow I didn’t think much. I wiped them of gently from her smooth round cheeks, and helped the hair strands that had elegantly kissed the frontal part of her ear lobes…

And then, just as instantaneously as the whole episode went, she kissed me… just like that. That was too much turbulence for me. After all those years… I thought, and suddenly, all I could think of was her, just her… I landed my lips gently on her cheeks…then around the lips, under the neck…

Soon we found ourselves mouth to mouth… so comforting was that feeling, that sudden quenching blow to every kind of thirst, to every shortcomings, and contentment filled my eyes soon enough. And after so many years, tears ran down my cheek to moisten the intersection of our lips… It was pure…

“Diddi!!”, came the call from the room above. It was her sister. We hastened ourselves out of the osculation. Just as timed as it was, my phone rang. It was mom. So without saying anything I rushed outside to my villa to my mom…



Her Backfire

Foreword: No, Its not Fart.

So After all that has happened all the years, our dear fellow, now really sadistically stuck up in his sick life, decided to give RT a call. He wanted to make it a totally private affair. Well the call that is. All these years, he got the publicity thanks to the creative geniuses in the form of his friends, who would cook up super soap dramas, to which The poor chap would nod yes. To tell the truth, the nodding was the one that created the problem. Eventually the ‘nodder’  or Noddy was accused of making the soap scripts up as well, finally that too gulped with blindfold by the heroine of the scene, RT, who picked up the fight, made Noddy to tell her what she was to her, and when she heard it from his own mouth, truly pissed his ass off. What a waste of typography!

Yes, and so, he called. Just said one word. Sorry. then he paused for something, a grunt I think, and then he disconnected.

Days passed without much effect. But that helped Noddy boy a lot. Mainly to forget RT altogether. Meaning the ‘to be girlfriend’ type resume he created in his restricted private universe.

Now Noddy had a pal who was with him for more than 13 years. Lets call him Snoop Dogg.And He also used to do all that Noddy did, and more. Now in the amazing turn of fate, Noddy ended up in a college somewhere north, and Dogg and RT, in the same colege in the same class. Funny no? And now Dogg has called him, to ask him about the call. Noddy was first disturbed at the question. He wanted this NOT to surface at all. But it did. And only one source. RT. But what made Noddy piss off so much is the fact that Snoop was the one to call him, to ask. What the fuck! To hell with friendship! “macha macha” has a value, which “AAAh! give it to me, will you do this for me? will you do that?” doesnt have. Somewhere someone lost the difference.

Further investigation by Noddy into the matter saw very disturbing outcome. There were more involved. And the matter was a point of discussion in the college canteen! What the fuck!! That’s a degree of shit Noddy never expected. And now Noddy feels good that RT had gone, because, as many events have said, echoed and shouted at Noddy, It wasn’t worth it. IT just wasn’t worth IT.

Backword: To hell with it!!! It is… I meant Fart.


disclaimer: RT, Snoop, Noddy are fictitious characters in a fictitious plot. So try and understand the Fictitious nature of the post.And respect it.



To tell you the truth… there’s just a lot happening in the world and very little afterward to comprehend it all.Now you all might be thinking why I’m starting it all over again. Well… about two weeks before, I put down a rather unimportant poll, and expected some results from an truly incipiently evolved crowd of readers I have. And watcha kno!! The results are scintillately accurate to my calculations. And yu can view them by clicking the results. Now I want a smart ass crowd to read my blog, honestly, and I cant tell you where the links are every single time.To eschew my blogposts completely as bull-crap is normal. But then which ass cheek of yours hurts when reading my posts, come on, seriously? What the fuck did I write here to offend any of you??
As I’ve stated earlier in my sempiternaly long list of disclaimers about the fictitious characters I make up, and those which resemble them to be cast by you all as my prey..come on..pure bullshit!! Get a life will you?
And since my conditions were not rudely met, I’m going to do just what I preached!!! TOTAL ANARCHY <insert evil laugh here>. Will insure itself in stages. So just look out for more characters that resemble you all!!!!
To those perverts and retards who think resemblance is just too much:
Try not to copy my characters. Please!



I may sound a lil desp at the moment for some, but then I don’t give a fuck either!

you don't deserve it...

My 18th V-day was a waste of precious time. Or maybe something did happen so important in my life… but then it’s totally irrelevant at this moment by the way things stand. Yeah RT is back… and she is really mad… at me. after some 4-5 hours with me in proximity, all I got was frequent dangerous stares, and two or three rude single word replies…

Lucky me… no?

Yeah yeah… I know, “oh damn! don’t start off with that again… I’ve been hearing it for a year now”, but then whatever you say, I am about to justify my stand, and I will too. Did I mention the part where she called me up and “threatened” me, and forced me to discontinue my writing. (That was utmost dumb, now that it on the page, even if anything happens, I can clearly point out at someone…) But then, then it was decency, that’s why the character RT took a break from the First person Stories. But then withall that, I learned a thing. Girls can be real selfish at times. And they don’t usually daw a line between “pampering” love and unconditional love. Well, fuck! leave it… Why the fuck am I starting it again. But then she could have at least looked at me as if she knew me, just remotely, as if ‘I’ve seen that chap somewhere’ type. Even with too much problems lately, keeping my decency so that she won’t feel like that, that was the stupid thing I did. Could have asked her face to face, but then fuck! leave it. I am a dude typing shit over the net to woo a friend back. Yeah, in a really stupid position now. Laugh laugh… laugh till your balls fall off!!

Why does even remotely think that I am after her? Well, come on… don’t blame my writing. Yeah, well kinda it was my mistake, elevating some girl who lives on the other side of the city, from a beautiful kind villagewaali-jeysi ladki to some higher being I hate right now. From what it was then, to what it is now, my perception of a good girl never changed… girls changed though.


I hate to be in a fuckin position where I fall off the edge. And I hate being hated.., that too for at one prick of time attaching myself emotionally to the subject! What a fuckin concept! How can I ever treat every good looking intelligent girl as my sister?? What do these girls think of themselves? priced posessions ulla ahangaram? That goes to some of the Kottayam girls as well. When I get interested in any one of you, I’ll notify it ASAP, even if its by mail, or by phone. Till then, please for-fuckin-hell’s-sake, just remove the notion from your fucked up heads that you are all angels n shit, n this poor me is after you all. Go get a fuckin life!!

And for all those bitch-babes who think getting a ‘sister’ position from me, so that they can very well avoid the assumed potential danger, forget it. Being my sister is one of the hardest jobs in the world. My dear sisters know it. And however you try you all won’t even qualify for my sister’s sandal heel position. It’s just so because, my behnas are the most special people in the world for me. So don’t even fucking think about getting there and ruining a rather high benchmark. You people are too primitive to even take the first step, so forget getting there…

Did I mention that when I paint or sketch, the end product only goes to the most special ones, if one never reached you, then it’s likely I’ll forget your name the very next day, and if you already have one, better make sure you get a continual series… ’cause if you aren’t, it’s all your fault…

The fact is that…

… I am not in a craze of making friends. Qualiy, not quantity.  My dear ones, who ‘know’ me, are  still with me, and they’ll be there sempiternally, so just don’t get worried about my ‘social image’…and…

… You see… at the end of the day, I know what I want, and I know what I am. I’m just THAT DAMN Good. And the best part is, I’m fully aware of it too.


Now Playing:  “Oh My Friend…” [Mickey J Meyer, Happy Days(2007), Malayalam & Telugu]

Paper Planes

DISCLAIMER: This post has nothing to do with anything or anyone living or dead, or living as dead. This post is just another fictitious addition to my FPS Storyline. And so it definitly does NOT give anyone the right to do on doing dip-shit stuff on its behalf.


When we reach those last days at school, we kinda get that feeling of, well, of almost everything, it’ hard to explain, but still. Life turned out to be totally unexpected after that. Well, atleast that’s what happened to us, two friends, RT and me, drifted apart by situations, and even some things I write down here too. But then I don’t know why she still doesn’t talk to me, or even approach me. Is there ego in the equation or whatever I did was so bad that she couldn’t comprehend? I don’t blame anyone. One decides his fate unknowingly. But I never ever expected a girl like her in my life in the first place.

Well, to be frank, my school life was spend in a boys school, one of the best of its kind, and maybe that can be reason, but I was never comfy with talking to a girl in a public place, when I was young. But then as one gets mature, or in the process of it, atleast, there comes a time when one has to. And apart from my dear sisters, the other girl in my life was her. Now, I don’t know why something nice written of her, she can’t take it as a complement. Friends may call it my selection, but then it was pure fate. I wanted to be her friend, from the first day itself, when I first saw her. There’s this thing that most girls think that they know what a guy is thinking when he stares at her for more than a minute. But then it ain’t always so. Friendship and intimacy apart, I enjoyed her company, atleast the brief real life and the long chat sessions. But then like her, I also have a temper the size of Alabama. I don’t know about her, if she ever noticed or so, but eventually, I grew up, these past two years, till before whatever unfortunate things chanced, thinking she was the goddess, the ultimate personification of whatever aestheticaly calming to me that life has to offer. I don’t blame her. But her conversations with me, I felt so. Now I am a guy, so it was natural. But I still don’t get it. It’s the common question a guy asks himself very often. That I ask now. “What went wrong? What did I do Wrong? Everything was going very well, one brief moment, and the next, Kallas! Finished!! What was the loophole?? What was the bug in the whole thing?” My mind, my conscience, it still asks this question every night I go to bed. But then Why should I care, finally, at the end of it?

Maybe I was a little arrogant to have such a sweet girl as my friend. Maybe I took some things that I got as granted. I know I have faults in my side, but then who is perfect in this sad shitty world of ours? It’s plain easy to say “I don’t care, Go to Hell” and stuff like that. I have said that many a times to satisfy my National Highway like ego, but then it finally gave me nothing but the realisation of the fact that I have lost whatever I gained over many years. It’s real easy to give up a relationship, or so I’ve heard. But it is not for me. It was never, it is not now, and It shall not be either. The complexity of a relationship with a girl was thought to be simple at first, but then it was of late that I relaised it wasn’t. There’s are too many faces to it, and has more dimensions that what a normal human brain can comprehend. Shit! what the heck am I talking. Anyways, my point is, Intimacy, or even a relation between close friends can be taken in a lot of senses. It can be viewed in multiple angles like a feature-rich DVD, and anyone can say anything. But then it is the people in the relationship who have to trust each other, or atleast believe. One is not superior than the other, neither perfect. It’s through mistakes that we learn. And we learn a lot through that. But that doesn’t mean that one thing can end it all. Does it?

But then I still don’t get it. I try to forget the past, but everytie it hits back, and it hits back real hard. It’s just that there are too any questions that I try to find answers in myself everyday…Why do I remember her every word that she never intended me to remember. Why didn’t I get the peace of mind when she had problems with certain stuff. Why did I care for her, and pray for her at times? Why do I still do that? Why do I still get that gut feeling when someone mentions her name? Why do I get myself informed of everything that happens in her college, and why do I feel sorry for her at times when I hear her present status, and why do I wish I was there for her, atleast as a friend atleast, or atleast someone who she can talk to, out of the box, atleast? And why do I clinch my teeth when I overhear someone saying stuff about her which I despise? Why do I still consider her as my intimate friend, one to whom I could resort to at times and become a Happy Noodle Boy again? Why?


Any sort of sympathy or hate or sandals or quotations or kisses or kicks or anything of that sort is not invited. So please don’t take the trouble. I am just being a guy with a keyboard, thats all. And don’t send more cows and other stuff in postcards. I rarely check snail mail now. 😐

is this…?

“Why can’t I see or hear something without ever relating it to me? Why do I always go on imagining myself to be complete…every single time. There was so much fun just looking at all the beauties, But why do feel guilty now everytime I look into someone elses’ eyes? Why do I miss myself so much? What happened? Why did I become so desperate? Why can’t anything satisfy me anymore? Why do I dream for someone else too, and not only for myself? Why do I even care? Why is my diaphragm aching when I’m typing this? I was tough, why did I ever break down in front of my TV? Why do I always keep seeing her, and why do I expect, every single day, that I’ll get her back? Why can’t I move on, forgetting everything? Why didn’t I? Why didn’t time heal anything? Why do I feel guilty and lost at the same time? What happened? Even after some 100 days, Why is this happening to me?” There goes another mind peak into the mind trashcan. I think I’ll have to take my trash out. It’s almost full. What all stuff do I think to kill time. Stupid goverment, taking all the time in the world to get us into college! Just barely five days before, I thought I had moved on n shit. But Kya Fayada? There’s a saying, atleast the paraphrase of the saying: “One who finds a blame, and laments about it, doesnt do anything, he just laments.”…but then in my case its like “I thought I would never get time, but then why does always time stop me? I’m not a barrier to myself! But wait! Will I get time? What should I do? Should I blame everything on the system? Or on the government? Why do I blame others, the fault is my own!” Sometimes I think, “Na..she was blind after all…she would never have realised what I felt..She always took it as a joke, she thought you were kidding dude! She doesnt deserve me or my affection!”..but then I feel guilty all of a sudden. It was my fault no? I ask myself. And viola! No Answer..beep beep beep! Now what should I make of this eh?

Is this how you move on? Was that love or just one hell of a roller coaster lesson God wanted me to learn ASAP? I was dead serious once. Real dead serious. But when I began facing the real world, the nacked reality, I saw, There’s no place for originals. But then at that time I was wrong. Society is pure bullshit. Individuality is all that matters. If you stay yourself, you stay Different. If you stay Different you stay Abused. If you stay Abused you stay Accused. If you stay Accused you stay Guilty. If you stay Guilty, you find a way, n bounce back. If you bounce back, you stay Tough. If you stay Tough, you’ll become a Man, and a person everyone will admire and every society will accept. That’s the difference between people who make it big and who wake up just because its another day!

My search to find myself is not over. And I hope it’ll get over soon. It should. It must. Only then can I shed my clown face.

Okay. thats about it…My mind’s juice is kinda over for now. What all stuff we think up when idle! Funny.