Enjoy the Good Times…


If I remember correctly, It was on 20th february. Our seniors had called us to make something for the Annual procession we had in our College as the starting gig of our Art’s Fest Stage events. So, Vilbin Varghese, Nebin Jose and me, we decided to go a lil further and pull this off.

All we did was take out the Strong Beer bottle, stare at it for half an hour, brainstorm. Then it was just cardboard, size 20 staplers, Glue, Mason’s tape, Thin Wire, Black Chartpaper, Glazing paper, Scissors, and 6-7 hours of Hard work. But we enjoyed every moment of it. You just dont call it Good Times like that, it is because it is so. Maybe thats why we 19 year olds just did it. Here’s the end product:

and so i took a sip from my creation. 😛

These were taken at the procession. The bottle was modeled so as to fit me. I walked the walk. 🙂 (Sorry, but didnt take the solo pics of the bottle in all that excitement)

the whole world never mattered anyway...

King of Good times it was. 🙂


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Cheers. Ciao.




************************** Here **************************

Five minutes into it and he was lost. She looked at him. The moment their eyes met, she turned away. She was a gutsy girl, but whenever she found him staring at her, something inflated her off all that. And that very moment, she felt she was nothing but a small baby girl longing for her father’s warmth. But she longed for his. Her every movement started to feel guilt-prone, something was pulling her to it; nevertheless, something was pulling her to him. It’s then that she felt happy, and sad, all at the same time. It was defying all her logic, and denting her intelligence, but something was pulling her towards it.

He thought to he was impermeable, he thought nothing would ever affect him, he thought he was free from all the urges of life. Until that day. He sat there, staring. Her beauty, was affecting him, even to a point that it was hurting him. He never knew what went through her mind. They were so different, so very opposite, but he felt that connection. It was like achieving a whole, man’s search to completion. And they so very well complemented each other.

************************** Elsewhere **************************

She held his arms so tight that he even doubted she’d break it into two. “I can’t control myself, I want a hug.” He looked at her in awe. He loved being dominated. But, the look in her eyes… he hugged her, and then just like that kissed her on the lips. She jumped up from her seat. That very second, he was expected something bad, but it didn’t happen. She looked down to him, and bit her lips. Then a smile. His life force retuned to him. And then just like that she kissed him back. This time, it was tight, long one, and on the cheeks. He didn’t mind. He loved every moment of it.

I love you”, he said. Just then he noticed…she was in tears. She hugged him tight n said, “Oh, I didn’t want this to happen, I wanted to fight you, not love you more, now I’ll miss you even more. It pains. I hate you. I hate you.” He looked at her and smiled. Her eyes said everything. She loved him more than anything in this world. They were in love, and nothing else.


We all have different desires and needs, but if we don’t discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.” – Calvin



At times you think you know a lot of things. But then those are times… just times… at the end of it, you blandly realize the fact that You are more wrong than How wrong you expected yourself to be. Human relationships are like human beings. They are never certain, Hollow at times, and at times, totally reason-void. Now with my rep-sheet, you might be wondering if this is one of those posts, but no, This is a totally different one. I assure you that part at the least. But then to come to think of it from the surface itself, you can see crystal clear to where I’m going. Okay, lets cut the intro part on this one to only this much.

In my 19 years of life, I’ve met a lot of people. But then to come to think of it, only few remain as constants, both in the case of friendship and in the case of acquaintances. o which point I’ve realized that, there are some people who we meet, and when we come in contact with them, we somehow know where we are with them. It’s not like a normal relationship building thing, where the first impression, or the lasting impression decides everything. To those people, There is no need of the “impressing them” part. All they are interested is in your true self, and vice avers.

It’ll be so damn clear about where they stand in our lives. There’ll be no confusion, there’ll be no “That’s Complicated” terminology and there will be No answer for the question… “What is your relation with him/her?” Of-course, we come up with satisfactory answers for ourselves n unsatisfactory ones for the general people, who seem so hollow in their WYSIWYG attitude. But then at the end of the day, Impressing the crowd doesn’t matter, until unless you are some celebrity with a decent fan following.

Here is where I confess. I’m smart enough to know what people think of me, and even smarter enough to know how to ignore them. But then, the only thing that pains me is the fact that the people I ignore think I’m totally clueless about the shit they are throwing at me. Yeah, I know the whole idea of my ignorance is ironic, but then That lil fact, I just cant ignore.

Now to the practical part. To be honest, I’m just 19 and I don’t want to think about my future love-life. Of-course, I’m a lil concerned about my education n all, but then I don’t mix n drive… Its only when someone asks you in the face about the former, will you realize you are at a total baseless point. That time, I choose to ignore reality altogether and warp to my dreamworld. And that’s how I’m still together, in one piece.

From a point where there is no reason, why do we always have to drag ourselves to a place where you have to justify your past, present n future? And even worse, is it even worth it? Why can’t we just dream on, follow our own instincts, n get there when we get there. I’m siting an example: Why are we so worried about the prospective relative conflicts that may occur from some marriage that may happen some 6 years later(definitely not hoping for it), when we are totally in love with each other? Is it even a reason to move on, by stopping what is going on strong, and without any particular reason, just because there’ll be some shit happening if whatever happens the way we are postulated? “If” “What If”.. Are these words totally deciding where we are going? And the worst part is, due to all this shit, we try to make up reasons for which there are no reasons. “I don’t know. I love you so very much. But then at the end of it, We both know it wont work out. And at that point, we would have grown real close to each other like inseparable souls. And if we try to separate us then due to this reason, we may both be ending up in disaster n pain… So lets move on… But then I miss you.” Maybe its my shit attitude towards practicality and “If” at times, but can anyone explain to me why I should do whatever that’s supposed to be done, rather than do what I want? Can’t I ever do what my heart feels like? Why should I let my fcking brain override the shit outta it? Maybe we’ll hurt ourselves if at all it comes. But then Why can’t we love each other till it chances, if at all it comes to that point in the first place?

Ohkay… this is one way of seeing it. But it’s not always this relationship that’s in question. Various others too. Why should practicality ever ruin what is good now? And Why are we letting it ruin it and our happiness? When did all of us become so self-centered, to only think of ourselves in the future? Why can’t we make our dreams, both emotional and the rest as our goals, and try to achieve them, for which we have to be successful in the first place.

What I’m trying to say is… Why can’t we extend our dreams beyond the materialistic bit, ’cause suppose we reach all that we dream of like that and achieve all of that, wouldn’t there be something still missing? Why cant we prioritize those things, so that we’ll jump the hurdles n reach there, rather than making the second last hurdle the finish line? This was one message “Love Aaj Kal” gave, beyond the surface plot n message. And almost every soul missed it. Hope you got what I wanted to tell you from this panoply of rabidness.


Maybe it wont happen, maybe it can’t happen… Maybe you know that.

But then its still a “Maybe”…



I was born a pessimist. It was quite natural… even though I was the elder one, I had realized long time back, that I would grow at a real slower pace than my younger blood, and soon he would be all over me one day. Seems like that time has finally arrived. We guys always had our fights n all, but then there was this level of difference between us, which were the reason for most of those really crude action packed fight-sequences…but as he bridged the gap between us, sometime along the line, he became an equal, and now a maybe more mature guy, we started getting along real well. But then, that’s what I always wanted. I was never an elder-bro material. Look at me!! I’m still a kid, acting more on instinct than intelligence.

All these above not-so-relevant-to-any-of-you lines are to stress my first point: And I know that the pessimist always stays in me. I always expected the worse, but instead of daring to face it, I ran away. And look where I reached now. Apparently nowhere.

I was so confused with my life, so disgusted with all that happened to me, and cursing each n everyone on the way, it had even come to that point where I doubted the absolute point of my existence. But then I met a more larger than life pessimist! 😐

Her pessimism made mine seem like that of a salt molecule in the Indian ocean. But that’s precisely how she made me think differently. Apparently her pessimism forced me to view everything with a hope in it. It was not like the girl-trying-to-change-the-guy thing. She always respected my individuality, and I loved hers. But I somehow changed myself for her in an unconscious manner. I even got back to listening Hinder after a real long time! 😐 And I’m somehow enjoying the music as well!

♫♫ See!!! ♪♪

I was totally at the endpoint when I met her. She dragged me back up to my game, but I’m still that trashed low-life I was. So if she suddenly disappears one day… I just wont be able to bear it! Of-course she does give me hard times with her fail-proof pessimism when she totally narrates prospective  incidents that end in her death! 😐 And there were times when I even have my heart in my mouth!! Yeah, that was her alright! My bestEST friend till now and forever! 🙂

But even then at times my pessimism took over. It scared me for like the first time in my life! But then somehow she always used her charisma over me, and I would become this real toddler in front of her, and she like a sweet lady, would pour all that motherly affection on me. Soon I get saturated, and start crossing lines like any other arse-hole! 😐 At that time my brain reduces to the size of that of a mosquito, only to drink her blood, but she gave it willingly as well… 😦 which is precisely why I’m feeling all the more guilty now!

I always forget my place n screw things up big-time, especially with my totally perverted grey matter. 😐  But after all that good that has happened to me in the past two-three weeks, It seems I’ll hit the block soon. God, I’ve never asked you anything in this world till now… If you are up there,  can you just do something to help this buddy of yours out, please? Something like, tadah! and every-thing’s okay… something like that? ‘coz if things go the way that I fear it will be, then soon I’ll fall. This time, into oblivion, to somewhere where no-one can ever again get me back from. Athu sambhavichaal pinne vverum bore aayirikkum. And All her work will go waste, and that’s the last thing I’ll want now. 😦


It is to be understood that this is not meant to be read. It’s just my feeling, and me as a whole, just trying to move on. I have no one else in this world as close as this for its patience to hear everything I have to say. vending my feelings and sharing it with my close friend, my blog, is just because I can find sleep in atleast some of the sleepless nights.

My life changed a lot in the past 12 months. I just don’t know what happened, but then I don’t think the transistion went well. Now I’m stuck in this penumbra of nothingness, trying to attain the halcyon condition I had been 365.25 days ago.


Apart from the 50-something pals at school, who I miss a lot, I had some friends who were kinda close, as it was safe for me to point them out as my ‘very good friends’. But then I was too dumb then, acted on impulse rather than intuition. And I routed this blog to a whole new level. I was writing fiction from the very beginning, from 2006 onwards. But that were posts everyone related too, and so was thought to be real. Then like every average teenager, girls came and went, and one such stuck with me, as my dear friend.

That time I was writing about a girl I used to admire in Maths classes. It was pretty obvious to everyone that I was writing my mind off, rather than constructing fiction, a way to attain attention, as sex, girls, love, and words like fuck, shit, cunt all make people hold on to the posts for a little long.

That time it was all about the hits, the no. I was getting per day on this page. I closely related my life to this blg, and slowly without realising the gravity of it, lost myself to it. But I never mentioned anyone’s name in the blog, and it was written as a first person narrative.

I was never a ladies man. Neither is now. I just had 1 friend, and thats it. But just because I wrote all that up, many people, everyone who had the slightest of intentions to play with me, got into the driving seat, to point out who I was writing about, It was their one and only guess, as there weren’t much options on that. A dude with a friend, who is loathed about by others, then that dude writes something up in a blog about a girl, then you knows where it all points out.

People say shit most of the time. I’ve grown up hearing shit from everywhere except in my family. An inferiority complex built up carefully and slowly by the years, but was wearing off with her help. Even if she didn’t talk much, her brief company was ebough for me to feel that I was someone. But then little did I know the blog was to be read by every single motherfuckin sons of bitches! I thought it would just exist something as unimportant as my life till then.

Surrounded by gossips from a very young age, I started to ignore them, and just nod to every thing directed at me. That usually worked, as it soon died out. But this one only got worse, and honestly, I didn’t see it coming. If I knew the outcome then I wouldn’t have been writing in this page since last year.

I always blamed myself for all this, my plethoric ego playing over me. And after a year, it never died out. I still can’t get over myself. This is one permanent dent in my life, and on my self esteem, which is close to nil now.

I used to love me, loath myself… but now at times, I feel disgust for my being. Yeah, Its easy for everyone to say “Get over it, move on”, et cætera, et cætera, but then loss is just too much It was a big price I had to pay.

Honour is something I lost in front of her. The only thing I ever had as mine. Honour. Now I don’t. Now whatever I did after that is another story. Losing a friend just like that, is more painful that angering. I cried, yes, I did, alot. But then How could I ever express that outside, so I vent it all out through Anger, somethingthat was like a beast in me. My bane, my temper, it released like hell, rained on my blogposts, making matters only worse. And I always wished for a panacea for everything. But then I broke the threshold, her trust, and her friendship, and my honour.

Now everything I do is taken either as my inability to move on, or my move to attract attention and get famous, or just my fucking attitude problem. But then, has anyone ever cared to find out how I have felt. I am also a human being in full, with feelings and insecurities. I was never the better one. I always tried. I still try. But then she hates me. I may have changed her status by all this, but she was in the good light, is still now, and is still loved by all in the same way she was then. But then I cannot heal her wound, and every new thing is taken as another cut infected by me on that same wound. And I have lost my right to ask for forgiveness.

Yes, it’s been a year. I lost my self, my ability to form new friendships, my will over my body(lost about 10 kilos, and gained nothing), and my piece of mind. A feeling of how I suck more today builds up every new morning. I have lost it. That very blow to my friendship cost me the whole world, my whole world…



I’ve been understanding the language of the world lately, and thus, I believe I have started to listen to my heart, and to believe in the omens the One has to give me.

And so, My heart tells me to ask for forgiveness. I know its too late. But then you know the saying…


S O R R Y !!

…for everything…, Just please forgive this soul. I have learnt it the hard way. But then I’m happy now that I’ve learned to understand, or better, to begin to understand the Language of the World.

…okay… now I feel better… I think…




This year is the year of change. Yep, and it’s already started, that too, with the greatest advocate of change, President Barack Obama. I hope the Americans’ll get something good for their country under him. And from all that media, with so many artists supporting him, it’s presumed that it will also strongly affect the media industry, of which the initial stage has already started. I respect that great man for whatever he is to bring to this world. Since, he doesn’t need any advice on anything, I’m pretty sure America will come up “culturally” after all.


Enough US talk already. Now lets talk about India, where there’s a state called Kerala, and a city called Trivandrum. Here’s where I stand, and my life revolves around this small fast growing city. Well, for the past 5 months, It has started to extend to a small town about 160 km north of Trivandrum, called Kottayam, but my mind, my loyalties, and everything I hold dear are still here.
sasthamangalam Hmm… so that’s about it. So what was special about this week…aah! yeah.
So, yet another Valentine’s day passes, my eighteenth one to be precise. And yeah, you guessed it right… I’m still Single. In my life, with things like Shell, Unix and its successors, Need for Speed, GTA, Counter Strike, There’s hardly any time I can devote any part of my mind to “impressing” the girl. To me, as I’ve learned, it’s the sure waste of precious time, with dangerous side-effects, the major ones being losing a good friend, and a final product…a girl with too much ego n attitude, that almost tops the Eiffel tower.

There are times in life when at a point, just due to a negligible span of time when an immature thought builds up, that’s when everything goes wrong. And so it has.
Having a good friend for two long years, and then suddenly just like that, she turns to see me as someone who used her, that’s punishment. It’s been almost a year since that punishment started, but to be optimistic, I really thought that would go. But then yesterday, on Valentine’s, My fears just got realized, yet again. If total ignorance wasn’t enough, the frequent stares killed me…almost.

hope n me, just seperated...
To be honest, I hope I could rewind time just to stop myself from doing what I’ve done. It’s not losing a girl, that pains. It’s losing a good honest friend. She was a Friend first, and something else only later… and I regret the ‘something else’ part, very much. Still I hope it all changes one fine day, still expecting one more call.

I’ve started to believe in the secret of  life. When you want something seriously and from your heart, the whole world conspires to help you achieve it. Hope I get my friend back.